Society tends to divide a person's sexual experiences into extremes. We are weighed, measured, and heaped into one of two categories, first of which is the "prude." For a woman, this usually is associated with virginity, but it can become so much more than that. For some reason, being disassociated with sex before marriage has such a negative connotation. There's "something wrong" with her, they whisper. However, the other extreme is frowned upon just as much, if only by other audiences. This woman is the "slut." Sleeps with whomever, shows her stuff, makes dirty jokes. All women seem to fall into one of these categories. One never really gossips about the girl who "has some sex, she probably likes it when she has it, only with serious relationships..." It's always either ripping a girl to shreds because of her lack of bumping and grinding, or looking with disgust as we imagine Jane Doe humping an entire army of men without blinking an eye. Sex has so much to do with how we think, how we interact with others. It's one of the main ways that we size each other up, and often how we judge others (albeit wrong to do so). 21st century culture is immersed in sexual under(and over)tones, which leads me to my thought bubble of the day; does promiscuity stretch beyond the bedroom?
Promiscuity is characterized as casual, indiscriminate. When we use the word, we are referring to the act of having casual sex with no real boundaries, rules, or moral code. Timbaland seeks the affections of the "Promiscuous Girl" in da club, knowing that if he's wanting to get some, she is the one putting out. I have seen this attitude destroy such lovely people. Somewhere in the mix of it all, it seems that self-worth becomes lost in translation and is replaced with a sense of indifference. Here me when I say that I'm not trying to be judgmental and say that because I have chosen the path of the "prude" that I think I am somehow more superior and knowledgeable about life. Quite the opposite, actually. Whereas I am not promiscuous in my sex life, I do tend to display a type of emotional looseness in my day to day life.
Lately, I've noticed that my emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Like, crazy lady style. I feel anxious, excited, sad, nervous, hopeful, grateful, afraid, worried, angry...all at once. I pride myself in thinking that I am a genuine and real person; that if someone asks me how my day is going, and it absolutely sucks, I will be the last to say "Oh, hunky dorey, couldn't be better!" Instead I'll briefly explain that it's not my favorite day, but I'll survive. Honesty is good, right??? However, I feel that lately I've kind of lost control. To anyone that asks, I'll spew forth a fountain of feelings. I'll shed some tears. I'll get fired up and talk more loudly than I should. I'll laugh uncontrollably. It's an emotional overdose.
I approach relationships in the same way. I realized last weekend through some unfortunate events that I put waaaaay too much of myself into all facets of my life: my students, my acquaintances, even people who I don't know well at all. I allow myself to be not just hurt, but brutally wounded simply because of my stray emotions.
It's casual. It's random. It's done without a thought or care in the world. I'm an emotional slut.
Can one go backwards here? If we are talking sex, there is no way to return to the virginal disposition once established as a fallen woman. I've been whoring out my feelings for so long...can I go back to containing them like normal?
Just some late night thoughts from a very tired (and very sore) girl.
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Faces of a Woman
A couple of weeks ago, our pastor preached a sermon in a series called "Life's Toughest Questions." We discussed the idea of manhood, specifically what it looks like to be a godly man. Paul talked about the four faces of a godly man, which you can listen to here. The four he listed were the King, the Warrior, the Lover, and the Friend. It was quite excellent. Since that Sunday, I have been trying to apply the same principles to my own sex: What are the faces of a godly woman? Here are some of the ideas that I have.
Face #1: The Princess
As a little girl, I was told quite often that I was a princess. Most of us girls eat the fairy tales up, and don't EVEN tell me you never had a Disney Princess costume. I was all about Cinderella and Ariel, myself. In Psalm 45, though it doesn't specifically call us royalty, God's love for us is articulated in this way: "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, because He is your lord" (v. 11). Zephaniah talks about God being a great warrior in our midst who quiets us with His love, and rejoices over us with singing. As a woman, we live life perpetually asking the subliminal question: am I beautiful? We ask this in how we dress, how we act around men, our relationships with our fathers, etc. As a godly woman, we must embrace the God-given role we have, as His cherished one, the beloved of the king.
There are a couple of distortions of this. On one hand, there is the diva. The diva is self-centered and self-righteous. She is entitled to receive everything she wants and bails when things do not go her way. The other distortion is the pauper. The pauper does not acknowledge any worth at all. She feels worthless and allows other people to tell her who she is and isn't. She is afraid of being beautiful and does not acknowledge God's love as an active agent in her life.
Face #2: The Fighter
Any woman who has ever seen someone she loved being threatened has in some way or another become the Fighter. Women are ferocious defenders of what is theirs...specifically loved ones. I know that as much as I hate conflict, the times in my life I have felt infuriated and bold are when someone is physically, emotionally, or mentally hurting people who are close to me. Family, friends, boyfriend, you name it. There is no limit to what the fighter will do for her family and for her God. She lives her faith with boldness and confidence and refuses to compromise her integrity. She stands for what is right, even when it is not popular.
The first distortion of this is the bully. Most of the time, I think this manifests itself when a woman has been beat down by men (again, not always just physically) and has decided to be Ms. Independent to the extreme. The powerhouse woman who feels good when she makes someone else, especially a man, feel inferior, the woman who manipulates in order to get her way, etc. The other distortion is the victim. This woman allows herself to be run over. She does not understand her worth, so she does nothing to protect herself. She allows the world to live her life for her, instead of taking the wheel herself.
Face #3: The Nurturer
It is in the nature of a woman to look after the well being of others. I am not a mother, yet I still possess and express this quality. In the creation account, Eve is created as a helpmate to Adam; she is someone who is entrusted to look after him, to partner with him in life and in love. It is in our blood to actively love. As a wife, the nurturer values her husband, makes him feel loved, appreciated, special...like he can take on the world. As a mother, the nurturer entrusts in her children the ability to thrive, to grow up, to develop a positive character, to feel safe. As a woman in general, the nurturer manifests herself in her ability to show compassion upon people of all shapes and sizes, to meet the needs of others as best she can.
I see the first distortion of the nurturer as the "momma bear." The momma bear will not allow independence in the ones she nurtures. Her husband feels suffocated, her children become dependent on her or resentful, depending on experience, and her friends see her as insecure and unrealistic. The momma bear finds self worth in how much other people need her. The opposite distortion is the cynic. The cynic feels that it is the hard knocks of life that teach people how to be who they are. They show little compassion and sympathy for others, see tears as weakness, and refuse to take an active role in loving their loved ones. To the cynic, love is not something that is actively expressed, but simply understood.
Face #4: The Friend
This final face of a woman is the same as the last face of the man, but I think it is equally important for both similar and different reasons. Women are sharers. We share our lives with others. It is this contact with other women that keeps us sane...our ability to verbally process our lives, to joke about things that men do not understand, to feel as though being stressed to the max is not only okay but understandable...these are the connections we need. As a verbal processor, it is important for me to continuously connect with my friends. I bounce ideas off of them, I allow myself to be completely real, in the hopes of making even stronger connections. As Christians, we need this connection to people of our own gender. I do not know of a single woman who is both healthy and happy yet is missing the bond of other women to keep them grounded.
Distortions of this are both the clingy one and the loner; people who can't function without their friends, and people who withdraw from social situations. Neither of these are glorifying to God or enjoyable. In Ecclesiastes, there is a verse that says "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." How true! I have been able to stand independently, on my own two feet, through the love and compassion of my friends.
These are merely my interpretations on what Paul's sermon looks like for women. Any thoughts? Opinions? Disagreements?
Face #1: The Princess
As a little girl, I was told quite often that I was a princess. Most of us girls eat the fairy tales up, and don't EVEN tell me you never had a Disney Princess costume. I was all about Cinderella and Ariel, myself. In Psalm 45, though it doesn't specifically call us royalty, God's love for us is articulated in this way: "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, because He is your lord" (v. 11). Zephaniah talks about God being a great warrior in our midst who quiets us with His love, and rejoices over us with singing. As a woman, we live life perpetually asking the subliminal question: am I beautiful? We ask this in how we dress, how we act around men, our relationships with our fathers, etc. As a godly woman, we must embrace the God-given role we have, as His cherished one, the beloved of the king.
There are a couple of distortions of this. On one hand, there is the diva. The diva is self-centered and self-righteous. She is entitled to receive everything she wants and bails when things do not go her way. The other distortion is the pauper. The pauper does not acknowledge any worth at all. She feels worthless and allows other people to tell her who she is and isn't. She is afraid of being beautiful and does not acknowledge God's love as an active agent in her life.
Face #2: The Fighter
Any woman who has ever seen someone she loved being threatened has in some way or another become the Fighter. Women are ferocious defenders of what is theirs...specifically loved ones. I know that as much as I hate conflict, the times in my life I have felt infuriated and bold are when someone is physically, emotionally, or mentally hurting people who are close to me. Family, friends, boyfriend, you name it. There is no limit to what the fighter will do for her family and for her God. She lives her faith with boldness and confidence and refuses to compromise her integrity. She stands for what is right, even when it is not popular.
The first distortion of this is the bully. Most of the time, I think this manifests itself when a woman has been beat down by men (again, not always just physically) and has decided to be Ms. Independent to the extreme. The powerhouse woman who feels good when she makes someone else, especially a man, feel inferior, the woman who manipulates in order to get her way, etc. The other distortion is the victim. This woman allows herself to be run over. She does not understand her worth, so she does nothing to protect herself. She allows the world to live her life for her, instead of taking the wheel herself.
Face #3: The Nurturer
It is in the nature of a woman to look after the well being of others. I am not a mother, yet I still possess and express this quality. In the creation account, Eve is created as a helpmate to Adam; she is someone who is entrusted to look after him, to partner with him in life and in love. It is in our blood to actively love. As a wife, the nurturer values her husband, makes him feel loved, appreciated, special...like he can take on the world. As a mother, the nurturer entrusts in her children the ability to thrive, to grow up, to develop a positive character, to feel safe. As a woman in general, the nurturer manifests herself in her ability to show compassion upon people of all shapes and sizes, to meet the needs of others as best she can.
I see the first distortion of the nurturer as the "momma bear." The momma bear will not allow independence in the ones she nurtures. Her husband feels suffocated, her children become dependent on her or resentful, depending on experience, and her friends see her as insecure and unrealistic. The momma bear finds self worth in how much other people need her. The opposite distortion is the cynic. The cynic feels that it is the hard knocks of life that teach people how to be who they are. They show little compassion and sympathy for others, see tears as weakness, and refuse to take an active role in loving their loved ones. To the cynic, love is not something that is actively expressed, but simply understood.
Face #4: The Friend
This final face of a woman is the same as the last face of the man, but I think it is equally important for both similar and different reasons. Women are sharers. We share our lives with others. It is this contact with other women that keeps us sane...our ability to verbally process our lives, to joke about things that men do not understand, to feel as though being stressed to the max is not only okay but understandable...these are the connections we need. As a verbal processor, it is important for me to continuously connect with my friends. I bounce ideas off of them, I allow myself to be completely real, in the hopes of making even stronger connections. As Christians, we need this connection to people of our own gender. I do not know of a single woman who is both healthy and happy yet is missing the bond of other women to keep them grounded.
Distortions of this are both the clingy one and the loner; people who can't function without their friends, and people who withdraw from social situations. Neither of these are glorifying to God or enjoyable. In Ecclesiastes, there is a verse that says "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." How true! I have been able to stand independently, on my own two feet, through the love and compassion of my friends.
These are merely my interpretations on what Paul's sermon looks like for women. Any thoughts? Opinions? Disagreements?
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