Joy Expressions

In response to my last post, I have at least made a step in the right direction: I am now taking guitar lessons from Dillon Phillips on Mondays. I have decided to take this break to really figure out what things I need to make time for. So, here are some things that make me happy:
writing songs
being able to play those songs
laying on blankets outside either reading or listening to music
reading fiction
working out
dancing...hip hop, latin, whatever!
coffee and comfy chairs
cool, artsy decorations

Ok, that is all for now.

Beauty

Sometimes, movies just really speak to me. It is so easy for me to forget what makes me feel absolute joy. I get so caught up in what I have to do that I miss out on really being spoken to...and hearing what is being told to me. In August Rush, Evan talks so much about the music. He gets caught up in it, in its message, in its beauty. He believes in its power. Last night when I was playing at Pecan Valley, it was the first time I had had that much fun in a long time. I felt like I was doing something really worthwhile. I know that, in order to really feel fulfillment with my writing, I need to learn how to play. Something. I just know it. Music speaks to my heart so much...I really feel like it is a connection between me and the Lord. As cheesy as this post sounds, I know that I need to do this. To take time..slow down...have some joy.

~268~

"Your name, O Lord, even Your memory, is the desire of our souls."
Isaiah 26:8
This speaks for itself.
I think I want 268 tattooed on my body.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Sometimes I get really tired of having to learn the same lessons over and over again. I grow closer to the Lord, get distracted, and can't regain intimacy. So I ask God to get my attention. He does, and I act like a crybaby about it. Well, He is answering your prayer, Skinner. Get over it and be greatful.
I am just learning so much about myself right now. What does it mean to be truly dependent on Christ for my everything? How does He even put up with me sometimes? I am so selfish and ask for so much, becoming callused to the Gospel and unevangelic in my mindset. Even still, in the midst of it all, He is faithful to love me. To cherish me. To shelter me in the shadow of His wings. How does that even work? How does God love me unconditionally? I just can't fathom it.
I know that God doesn't owe me anything. And he doesn't let a single need pass Him by without answering. So why do I have such a difficult time being content? Simply abiding in Him for all I could ever want? What does that even look like?
I want to love God the way He deserves to be loved. I want Him to show me how. Show me how to be content. To be compassionate. To love others, to forgive.

Jericho song

I walk down the street
To the let are the homeless
They are hungry
To the right are the sick
Begging for money
I look straight ahead
Afraid I might get dirty
What can You do with these dry bones?

O Lord God, You know
My heart breaks for this Jericho
Restorer, transform the ashes
Raise up an army from these dry bones
Rebuilder, tear down the walls
Let Your word penetrate the groans of our hearts
Help us, Lord, please to see the least of these

God, commander in chief
Your soldiers are ready
Marching on our knees
Begging for revival
Oh, Lord God, please
Hear the deepest yearning
of our broken hearts
We long to see lives
learn how to truly live

O Lord God, You know
My heart breaks for this Jericho
Restorer, transform the ashes
Raise up an army from these dry bones
Rebuilder, tear down the walls
Let Your word penetrate the groans of our hearts
Help us, Lord, please to see the least of these

Help me see hearts, not faces
Help me value souls, not pocketbooks
Show me how to love You like I need to
Unleash the flames my heart can't contain
Your word, igniting a spark of change
My battlecry remains "Mighty to save!"

Costly Intimacy

Picking up the pieces
of my shattered soul
I don't know how to
make it whole again

How can something
hurt so badly
When I'm striving
to be madly
in love with You?

Costly intimacy
Requiring all of me
Even the dark and
lonely parts
I think nobody sees

Heal my broken heart
And show me where to start
On my face is the
only place
I can bring myself to go

overflowing emotion

So....right now I have so much in my heart and in my mind that I need something faster than journal. No one reads this anyway so I feel pretty safe. Sometimes I just don't know how to process thought and emotion. Today I was held accountable for something that affects not only just me. I don't know how to handle it. Honestly, there is a part of me that is rejoicing. I have never been held accountable for anything. Ever. At the same time, it sucks and is really hard to process. How do I act on that without hurting others? What will the results of my actions be? Should I even change anything? Too much...I am on overload.
Lord,
You are so good and are worthy of so much more praise than I can give. Sometimes I am appalled at how I ignore the fact that I have direct access to the King of Kings! I pray that You could give me strength to crawl onto the altar. Please.