Selfishness and the Church

The dialogue/debate long occurring between established traditional churches and what many refer to as the "emergent church movement" continues to turn heads and raise many questions regarding not only Christian worship, but Christianity itself. Many of you know that my experience in church extends to both. I grew up Southern Baptist, went to a Baptist university, and now attend a non-denominational church that meets in a middle school. I am always attentive to news and comments regarding not only the differences and conversations between the two, but the global commentary on Christianity as a whole.

I have been awake since 2:30 am due to stupid fever, sore throat, chills, and achy disgustingness. So of course, what better to do than Twitter/Facebook stalk? Creepy, yet always a good time. I read a string of tweets from a friend of a friend this morning that spurred my thoughts a bit. This guy is not a believer, but I definitely agree with his over-all world view. The question that prompted in my mind is this: what is it, specifically, that causes some Christians to act the way that they do, thus causing an overall negative perception of the religion in the eyes of the public?

I've blogged about the whole legalism thing for what seems like forever. My soapbox still stands there. However, in listening to the series preached this past month by my pastor, I've tried to look at issues as the stem directly from the heart. Legalism and hatred are deeply rooted somewhere; they do not just appear out of nowhere. And what I believe causes idiocy in the faith is direct selfishness.

I believe that, in any kind of organized religion, there is a sense of pride in which you know in your heart of hearts that your beliefs are correct. You believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that your way is the only way, and depending on what you believe about eternity, there is a sense of urgency in which you try to convince everyone else to believe the same thing. It is because of this that Christians get offended when people argue with them, contradict them, debate them, and slander them. We quote Scripture at those who do not hold the same vantage point we do, and expect them to suddenly see "the light" and join our ranks.

The problem with this? We are more concerned with being right than actually living out our faith.

The entire point of Christ's sacrifice was not for organized religion. It was not for self-righteousness, or for the disciples to say "I told you so!" to the Pharisees. The way in which the Bible was written displays, instead, an attempt at relatability, a desire to make the knowledge and receiving of Christ's love accessible to Jews, Gentiles, anyone who wants the gift. The Gospels are written for varying audiences for this very purpose: so that ALL may know Him.

Is Jesus concerned with being right? Does He cringe when one church tries to worship with an electric guitar and a drum kit instead of a piano? Is He appalled when a Muslim walks through the door in order to simply gather information, or when a homosexual expects to be treated with integrity within the walls of the church? Absolutely not.

I think that we all need to take a good look at the basics. Our world is in crisis. Do I have to agree with everything that everyone says in order to be "tolerant"? Nope. I'm not a robot. I have beliefs, and I have opinions. But the idea of toleration is something that other religions do far better than Christianity. If anyone can show me the good of taking the beautiful words and actions of Jesus and using them for my own political agenda, or to prove a point, please tell me. Because from where I stand, pointing my finger at the wrongs of the world doesn't change anything.

My vision is that we all step down from our soapboxes and get our hands dirty. I want to work alongside people of different beliefs, in a setting in which we respect and appreciate each other as people, regardless of religious differences. I feel that, if Christians could put pride and selfishness aside, we might at least gain the respect of people who don't believe. And for me, that is good enough for now. I know that when I have been hurt by someone, that pain does not go away in the moment in which that person stops acting a fool. Similarly, it takes time for a view point to change. What if we partnered with organizations centered on showing compassion to the world, instead of questioning celebrity charity motives? What if my friends where (gasp) not just Christians? For me personally, that is how I gauge myself. Because I know that I am a human, I sin, and as much as I hate it, selfishness is present in my life. But I know that if I look at my friend pool, and see a variety of beliefs, colors, and walks of life, that I've at least gained the respect of those people as a person.

Do I fall into the category of people who think their way is the "right" way? Sure I do. I believe with all of my heart that Jesus is more than just a man, and that His love has saved me from the darkness that lurks inside my heart. I should not, and do not, feel that I need to apologize for that. I enjoy the right to be heard. But I'm not the only one who has that right.

Let's practice hearing others, caring about who they are instead of what they are labeled. Let's attempt to live out what we believe, rather than proclaiming it from a pulpit. Let's be unapologetic about our faith, but at the same time recognize that faith does not make us "better" or "worse" people; rather, that we are all equal on this earth and it's our job to do what we can to make that life as livable as possible. I believe that the fruits of this labor could in fact begin a change that could shift the worldview of Christianity as a whole, for the better.

My Personal Prayer Requests

I tend to hold out when it comes to allowing people to pray for me. However, sitting here thinking about all of the things I need to do, I'm overwhelmed and am refusing to be stubborn here. So...if you get the urge to say a few little words directed toward heaven, here are some things I'd really appreciate being lifted up for:

1. Memory retention. Not only am I in graduate school while teaching, but I also am taking the ESL test in a month to add that on to my certification. I have to have it by December and was too busy this summer to take it, so this is my only shot. I need to be able to study for class and remember all of that information, but also study for the ESL test as well as prepping for teaching every day.

2. Personal/Spiritual growth. I tend to put all of that stuff on the back burner while I handle whatever life throws at me. But now that I have another person who is affected by anything going on with me, I feel the need to make it a priority. I want to continue on the path of growing more like Christ, of being less dependent on myself and more dependent on Him to meet my needs. I desire to trust God implicitly with my heart and my life. Including the forgiveness stuff I blogged about earlier.

3. A spirit of calm. I get stressed/overwhelmed easily. Over stupid things. Sometimes it keeps me from sleeping and causes me to panic. This is dumb. I want to get over it. So I'm asking for prayer in that regard as well.

4. My future status as a wife and mom. I find myself daydreaming about those roles a lot lately. I don't know when either of those things will come to pass, but now is a great time to start practicing good things to help me be the best wife and mom that I can be. I've read the book called the Love Dare before, and I want to start putting some of those things into practice with Justin. Trying to show him that I love him in a new way everyday...nothing elaborate, just little things.

I'm pretty sure this encompasses everything right now. If you don't have time, then no worries. But I will accept any and all help in these areas I can get!

Junk in Your Trunk: To Forgive or Not to Forgive?

The latest series being preached at TCAL is called "U-Haul: Cleaning out the Junk in Your Trunk." Needless to say, it's been a repeated toe-stepping fest. Yesterday, Paul preached on forgiveness. I don't usually think of myself as a grudge-holder. However, it was brought to my attention that there are a lot of people that I'm angry with by default. People who have hurt my loved ones, people that have messed with the lives of people who are important to me. I also tend to blow off the hurts that I receive on a consistent basis, because I don't exactly know how to forgive someone who is still causing me pain.
It's strange to me that I struggle with this, because I've had some positive experiences with forgiveness, one pretty difficult one in particular. So it's not the most fun realization to discover that I still need some major work in forgiving others. I told a friend that I think the easiest way to do this is to make a specific list, not only of who I need to forgive, but of what they have done. Not fun. I repeat...NOT FUN. Not looking forward to it. But it's important to be able to forgive in order to enjoy God's best for me as well as the blessings He's already put in my life...which are so numerous I can't even count.
Not sure why I felt the need to post about it...but I guess it helps to have some accountability in that direction!

Romans 8: Overly Quoted and Misused

I feel that, out of all of Romans, I am the most familiar with this chapter. It seems like, when tragedy strikes, people like to quote this chapter the most, specifically verse 28. I don't necessarily want to get into the debate of why exactly bad things happen to good people, or how that works, but I've blogged about that before, and you can read it here.

What stood out to me more than the idea of God working out all things for good was what Paul says about trying to conquer the world and sin on our own. In the Message, verses 5-8 really paint an accurate picture:

5-8" Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored."

I had a friend ask me not too long ago why it is so important to be a Christian. This person observed that there are people all over who don't believe in Jesus, and they seem extremely happy. My response to that is, sure. It's possible to be happy without Christ (gasp from all the Southern Baptists). It is. People who aren't Christians don't walk around miserable all the time. The difference, to illustrate from the tattoo on my wrist, is HOPE.



When we live for ourselves, and we let ourselves down, and life happens, and things fall apart, where do we go from there? Without the hope that Christ is my comforter, my peace, my provider and my rock, I cannot stand. Without the idea that this life is not all that there is, I cannot withstand the suffering of this world. Without Him, I am forced to rely on myself and others, both of which are weak and inconstant. It is Jesus that provides us with a future, an "out." No matter how bad life is on earth, it is nothing compared to what eternity looks like without Christ. No matter how wonderful this world seems on our own, it's nothing compared to the riches and beauty that await the believer in heaven.

Earth: storm. Heaven: DOUBLE RAINBOW. ALL THE WAY. (if you haven't seen the youtube video, google it NOW).

Short and Sweet: Romans 7

So...yes, I read, but I will be honest. I am so tired that I can't even think straight. Some commonly quoted verses are in this chapter, and a lot of it goes along with what I discussed in the past 2 chapters, but I feel like I would be shortchanging the verses if I tried to write an in depth analysis. With my staff retreat today, I got a taste of what it's going to be like when I start my school schedule again. By 9 I was ready for sleep. lol
I'll try to combine some w/ Chapter 8 tomorrow.
xoxoxo

Romans 6: Who/What is my Master?

As much as I know the importance of context when reading the Bible, sometimes my brain chases a rabbit trail right into the root of a thought or problem going on in my life that is kinda-sorta connected to what Scripture is saying. In Chapter 6, Paul continues the sin/grace comparison in relation to the believer by talking about what controls us. He asks the Romans the rhetorical question of whether or not it is okay to live sinfully because of the grace we received, then answers it with what God has to say about it. What stood out to me here are verses 12-14:

"Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness: but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace." (NASB)

And, for a fresh and more modern perspective, here are the same verses from The Message:

"That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don't give it the time of day. Don't even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you've been raised from the dead!—into God's way of doing things. Sin can't tell you how to live. After all, you're not living under that old tyranny any longer. You're living in the freedom of God."

So I know that this is talking about sin. But the first thing that I think of when I read these verses is my struggle with weight. (I am not one of THOSE girls that sits with a bucket of Blue Bell crying about her weight to anyone who will listen, if you think it's stupid, don't read the blog. Simple.) I am the WORST at staying motivated, no matter what. I've been Turbo certified. I've taught Turbo. I've worked at a gym. I've done meal replacements. I'm a Beachbody coach. I lose 10, then gain it back. Never to I stay consistent for more than a month or two. I will look at pictures of my fitness friends and get so frustrated that I don't look like them, only to forget to work out, eat fried food, and drink soda. Sometimes it really does feel like I am not the master of that area in my life (See? Told ya it was a stretch).

What convicted me is that, while not being fitness queen might not be a sin, the lack of self-control and discipline is. The fact that I cannot deprive myself speaks volumes of a sin that I never really think about. And when I look at other areas of my life, the lack of self-control is sometimes present. Not really with money, I'm not a big spender, but in the lack of patience I've blogged previously about as well as my need for instant gratification, I don't have much self-control. It doesn't feel that free to me.

Not sure how to allow God to be the master of this area of my life. Not sure if this is what He wanted to teach me from this chapter. But at least it has me thinking and evaluating.

P.S. Thank you Kim Fultz for kicking my butt with that comment reminding me to get back to it! I went on like a 3 day hiatus and forgot completely. ;)

Sin vs. Grace: Romans 5

"When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end." -Romans 5:20b-21, The Message

I will admit right now that I have already sucked it up big time at this 21 Day Challenge. It's been almost 8 days and I am just now reading the 5th chapter of Romans. My first instinct is honestly to feel like a bad Christian. Why? Because, engrained within me, is this sense of earning salvation, this lack of understanding of what grace means.

Last year, Paul preached a sermon that ignited a fire, taking the spark planted in my heart during college regarding grace and letting it completely consume me. It was a series entitled "Breaking the Rules," and you can download it here by scrolling down to the 3 sermons from March/April of last year with that title. Believing that my acceptance of God's gift of salvation was enough was a hard pill to swallow, especially for a perfectionist like myself. I think that even in my most advanced understandings of grace, I still maintained a pious attitude about service and feared that if I stopped being a Super Christian, I would fall away from the grace given to me.

It means a lot to me to know that, no matter what the circumstance, grace wins. No matter what I have done in the past, do in the present, or are tempted to do in the future, His grace covers me. It is this love that pierces my desire to sin. When I hear about people who are in the midst of struggling to do right, I think that the most necessary action to take is to first try to understand the love of Christ. Because, once you truly see how much Jesus loves you, more than any individual on this earth, the desire to stray away from Him becomes such a distant murmur. Yes, it still exists and occurs, but it no longer drives you.

I feel very blessed to be loved by many people. I have a wonderful family, and a wonderful set of friends. I have a great church, and a man who I am in love with, and loves me back. Taking all of this into consideration, the love I receive from all of these individuals is a speck, a fragment of the love that God has showered over me in the death of His Son. How can I help but be radically changed?

I would like for people reading this to take a bit of a self-assessment as well as an assessment of me, simply for accountability purposes. Ask yourself if your actions stem from religious duty, a fear of disappointing God, or genuine love and adoration for Him. Then, as a personal favor, I would ask you what you see from me. I know what's in my heart, but I would hate to send a different message than the truth of what's going on. If you are brave enough to share, and to be completely honest, I'd love to hear your thoughts!