Ugh.

I just feel like being a little bit transparent...there is one part of my life in particular right now that I am having the hardest time surrendering to God. As a whole, I have peace about the issue, but my heart needs to get the memo. What do you do when you logically know something is not going to happen, but your heart tells you otherwise? I have been burned before and it scares me to be wrong again. It's also an unnerving thing that my attempts in the past year to be vulnerable have come across to some as negativity and complaining. Let me just tell all of you (being the handful that read this), I do not feel like a negative person. Jesus Christ has given me hope; he has taken me from the pit, set my feet on a rock, and given me joy. I have a reason to get up in the morning...I experience a constant stream of LOVE. But, along with that, I reflect a lot. I do not want to let any negativity set up camp in my heart, so I process through it. I ask God for wisdom and strength. I think it is foolish to plaster a smile on all the time and advertise the Polly Pocket Gospel that all of us are so used to. I want people to see that I am not perfect, that I struggle, but that it doesn't end there. God always works my issues out for good according to His purpose. Wow...I needed to hear that right now. Didn't really resonate till I typed it. See? There you go. Lol. Sorry for the randomness of this post, but I needed to process.