Choosing our own martyrdom

We started small group back up a couple of weeks ago, and it's absolutely one of my favorite parts of the week. I love the people, both the ones I know and the new people coming, and it's such a sweet time of encouragement to see what God is doing in everyone's lives. As a group, we are going through "Our Utmost For His Highest," a book that I have always thought about doing but never have. And let me tell you...as far as devotionals go, it seems like this one is consistently slapping me in the face with things that I need to hear but might not want to.
Yesterday focused on the "assigning of the call." Chambers talks about how we take what we are good at and what makes us happy, assuming that that is God's call for our lives. If it's uncomfortable, that must not be it. He makes this profound statement: "We cannot choose our own martyrdom...." DANG. How often do we try to do that? We place ourselves in situations where we expect to receive a certain level of flack, but it's what we can handle. I know I do this on mission trips. My mind is ready, so when people reject me, it hurts but I still feel in control.
This really convicted me about my job. I love working at the gym, and I prayed so hard for that job opportunity to open up. Now that I have it, I have realized that I am not a good sales person AT ALL and I think other people are starting to notice it as well. So I immediately start to question whether or not it's where I need to be. Now I am thinking, maybe just maybe God is doing something here, and I need to take advantage of it. The worst thing that can happen is that I will get fired. So I just need to work hard and try to be a light in a dark place.
Today's message goes along with this as well. In talking about spiritual highs, a lot of times we think that a good Christian life means constantly staying on the mountain...always feeling God's presence about you, always feeling that intimacy. But Chambers says that "the true test of our spiritual life is exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain." Those moments of elation are meant to encourage, not to be our normal life. Most of it will be spent in the ordinary, in the valley. The mountain gives us the hope and the strength to draw from in the valley.
I think that I question far too often..any time there is a glitch in THE PLAN. I was made not to sit and bask all the time in how perfect my life is, but to tackle the world's mess every day with the knowledge that God HAS me. That phrase from Sunday has really hit home with me over and over again...He HAS me. He knows about my money. He knows about my family. He knows about my inner struggles. But He's got it taken care of. I can't choose my trials, but I can choose to shine His light through them and allow them to mold and change me.