Submission and the Christian Marriage

Submission has become a buzz word as of late in the discussion of Christian marriage. With the surge of the feminist movement and the independent woman, the Lucy Ricardos have been slowly replaced by the Mary Tyler Moores, career women who can do it all, including having a family while simultaneously saving the world. The portrayal of men in the nuclear family has become less of a leader and more of the weak comic relief (point to Everybody Loves Raymond). Our current generation is experiencing the undertow of this transition, and we find ourselves asking how the world we live in can mesh with the Biblical concept of submission. Under this patriarchal structure, we women find ourselves feeling suppressed, stifled, and resentful. I know that growing up, my idea of Biblical submission seemed to be that, when push comes to shove, the man makes the decisions, and the woman keeps her mouth shut. I admit that if this is submission, it makes me want to puke.
I am not a career woman, nor am I a man hater or an immasculator. I simply am, as several friends put it, "a lot." I am passionate about my ideas, about God's plan for my life, and my personality exudes this to the point that I have to reign it all in. I know that God has created me this way, so I feel that I need to reexamine my idea of submission to find a different picture than what is presented before me.
In Ephesians 5, the roles of husbands and wives are drawn out fairly clearly. Wives are told to respect their husbands, and husbands to love their wives. At first glance, it appears that the woman is asked to check herself, so to speak. But I believe that we leave out a pivotal part of this passage when close reading, v. 21, which states "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Amplified Version). Let me break down my logic into bullet points:
1) When we are committing to marry, it is under the assumption that we love that person more than we love ourselves.
2) Therefore, every decision we make within marriage is first weighed against the benefit of our spouse rather than our own selfish gain.
3) If points one and two are actively lived out by both parties, doesn't this present the image of mutual submission?

Of course I want to marry a man that is the "leader" of my family. But in my opinion, a leader is not someone who tells me what to do and how to think. It is a man who knows me better than I know myself, who protects and provides for our family by maintaining integrity and honor, and who respects and loves me for who I am, not what I have to offer him. I think that the image of mutual submission best fits the servanthood of Christ, when He washes the feet of the disciples. By serving one another in marriage, we become more like Christ and live in the freedom of who He has created us to be.

Thoughts?