A Doozy of a Day

I have not blogged in over a month. That alone should tell you how life has been lately. Things have been a whirlwind! I am now engaged to a wonderful man, which I will dedicate an entire post to AS SOON AS MY FIANCE LOADS THE ENGAGEMENT PICTURES...cough cough!!! But for now, I'm going to blab a bit about my job.

Coming from teaching high school as well as Success, I NEVER could have imagined the work load of teaching elementary. When I taught 11th grade, I had a definite rhythm down by this time in the semester. I walked into school familiar with my curriculum and fairly confident of what I was doing. Granted, I HATED the discipline issues...hence, why I don't teach high school anymore. But I had my modifications down, my alternate assignments, etc.

Now, I am finishing the 10th week of school, and just had probably the worst day I've had all year. Something happened today that basically felt like the straw breaking my back. Everything that I had going that felt slightly "rhythmic" is changing and my 3rd grade world is turned upside down. I am going to have to start staying late again for a while, going back to the basics of planning everything one day at a time. Tonight, I would love to be looking at/working on wedding stuff. But I'm sitting here all tensed up, worried about tomorrow. I've gone from thinking I know what to expect, to not having a clue.

I also feel a good cry accumulating. I cry a lot more now that I have a teaching job...bless Justin's heart. I used to think I was super tough and didn't cry EVER, but I was very wrong. Now, it will start storing up and just break out at random times. I have the emotions of a pregnant woman (don't worry guys, that's a non-issue). It's annoying. I'm a control freak and would like to feel that I at least have control of myself.

I find myself not even praying about the situation. Honestly, the first thing I wanted to do when I got out of school today was find somewhere with super strong margaritas (which I didn't get to do because of Math Night at our school), not take all of this to the Lord in prayer. I don't even know what to say. I feel stupid. I feel inadequate. I feel like I should be able to handle 8 year olds without letting their behavior and lives affect me so.

Please say a little prayer for me, that I can still show love, light, and truth to these little ones, that I can have never ending patience, and that a sense of peace and calm would instill itself over my classroom.

And that I don't lose my mind. ;)