20 Day Challenge- Day 5

Whose hair would I want???

After seeing her newest movie, my decision became a no brainer. I LOVE me some Jenn Aniston. :)



I have used Jennifer as my hair model since the 8th grade when she sported "The Rachel." I've brought her pictures into hairdressers to get those awesome sunkissed highlights. She is just gorgeous! She always looks like she just wakes up and looks awesome. I probably told Justin 3 times during that movie that I wanted my hair to look like that.

20 Day Challenge- Day 4

Favorite Rapper.



I might as well copy and paste Justin's Day 4. Eminem is my guilty pleasure. I have loved him, even his crappier stuff. His newest CD is absolute greatness! I can't pick a favorite. I can't wait for the sequel song to "Love the Way You Lie." Eminem, you rock.

20 Day Challenge- Day 3

Celebrity that you would go gay for.



If I had to kiss a girl, and it was Katy Perry, I just might like it. LOL. I love that Katy Perry doesn't follow typical fashion rules. She wears what she wants, styles her hair like she wants, etc. and still looks fabulous. She doesn't try to change the world with her music and instead creates fun music that make for great road trips and workouts. I think she's HOT and would be so much fun to hang out with!

20 Day Challenge- Day 2

Celebrity you would marry if you had a shot.



Oh Gerard. How I love thee.

I've been in love with the blogger of Fire or Knife for almost a year. But before I met Mr. Dearing, I had a small part of my heart dedicated to Gerard Butler. The accent, the ruggedness, the cutesy jokes and smile...sigh. He suckered me in Phantom of the Opera when I learned he could sing, then the combination of loving husband in P.S. I Love You to a lovable douchebag in The Ugly Truth made me all week in the knees.

Close seconds: Michael C. Hall (until his marital fiasco) and Josh Hamilton

Day 1: Blog Photo Challenge

My man has been on my case because I haven't blogged in almost a month. So due to the fact that I'm flu-ridden at the moment and actually have time to play with this, I'm going to do the 20 day challenge. I might do several today because I'm BORED OUT OF MY MIND. Having a fever isn't conducive to social interaction. So, here we go:

Day 1: Picture of your favorite band.



This might seem really random because I rarely talk about them, but if I'm looking at my overall fav band, I have to say Shane and Shane. These guys first got me back on Christian music, and I was obsessed with them in college. I play guitar because of Shane and Shane. If I could go to a concert of theirs, I might pee myself. There are a couple of bands right now that are in the running for fav band (Mumford and Sons in particular) but I haven't liked them long enough to consider them my favorite.

Benchmarks, iPods, and Peace of Mind

I am pretty sure that my posts as of late have served as a sort of emotional compass as to where I am in my life right now. My emotions come and go in waves...every now and then I will feel as though I have bitten off more than I can chew, which leads almost immediately to a downward spiral in which I feel as though I am good at nothing and might as well join Ted Williams in his side road sign holding, hoping for someone's generosity and pity. Yes, it can be that drastic. ;)

Unfortunately, perfectionism is something that is ingrained so deeply within me that it proves extremely difficult to root out. This feeling of not being good enough combined with the guilt of worrying when Jesus tells me not to...well, it's just not fun for anyone around me. I don't want to be my own friend in that moment, let alone dump it on anyone else.

So, this whole "getting married/sharing your soul/becoming one" thing is not super conducive to holding it all in. Justin knows how to read me like an open book, which is super frustrating at times. The past few weeks he has seen me slowly tense up, recoiling like a snake, ready to explode at any moment. And I have. Often. Random things sending me into bursts of tears, all based on my worry and frustration at the lack of effort shown by my students. My little ones have so much on their plate, and to be honest, it hurts my heart every day. 9 year olds should not have to deal with what they do...and it's hard to leave that at school.

So, Sunday night rolls around, and I start getting anxious. As the night progresses, I can't stop thinking about the next day, worrying and stewing over what could happen and if I am prepared enough, will I get my evaluation, etc. In the car, it all comes to a boiling point and I start silently crying to myself. Justin looks over at me, asks me if I'm crying...I say no, he says "Liar," then plugs his iPod in. I look at him strangely, because I'm not hearing Mumford and Sons, our new favorite...it's worship music. The song "Lead Me to the Cross." Poignant? Yes. Suddenly, that's not the only voice I hear. He's singing. No, he's worshiping.

I think it might have been the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. My fiance loves God so much that he trusts Him to take care of me when he no longer knows what to do. We both held hands and sang the rest of the way home, once we pulled into the driveway, he took my other hand and prayed over me/us. It was then that I felt my peace begin to come back.

I am so thankful for the opportunities that God has given Justin to lead me. Maybe this is what all of my craziness has been about...showing him that he is going to be such a wonderful husband and father. I cannot even fathom how lucky I am...and I am so grateful that his love for me is merely a speck in comparison with God's overwhelming love and peace. Thank you, Lord, for unforeseen chances to learn.

A Cluttered Heart Gets a Visit

Welcome, Lord.
Pull up a chair, sorry for the mess.
It's been a while since I let you visit my heart.
Yes, I have changed the decor, thanks
for noticing.
....
Oh, not a compliment? No matter, I'll just go on.
It's not every day I get a visit from You.
No, I didn't hear you knocking yesterday.
Or the day before that.
Or the day before that.
Funny...must have had my inner monologue turned up
too loud. Bought it on iTunes.
All it cost me was $Pride, $Worry, and a touch of
$Insecurity.
Not Your cup of tea, Lord? Sure, I don't mind turning it down.
Like I said, You are the guest of honor.
It's not every day I get...right, moving on.
....
Truth is, I'm kind of embarrassed.
I was planning on cleaning up before you came.
That huge stack of "body issues" in the corner?
That was going to disappear once I got my butt in the gym.
When? Tomorrow. It's all planned out for tomorrow.
Yes, I have said that before. But that was before.
Back to the mess...sorry again.
And I had planned on dusting off all of those "worry thoughts"
so that they would not look so, well, worrisome.
I keep them nice and neat, framed up on my wall so that
I can see them at all times.
I arrange them by whatever seems most pertinent.
What? You've never seen them? But they are right there, Lord.
Displayed. Arranged. Yes, they are in the corner, but
that is where I like them. No need for everyone to know.
I do have an image to keep, after all.

So, I guess You know that I'm getting married.
See? There's his hand right there, holding onto my heart.
Right where Yours used to be...wait.
Where did Your hand go?
I'm confused.
I see Your hands holding onto his heart so tightly.
I see Your presence radiating from his inner being.
He feels You. But so do I...so where is Your handprint on me?

How have I allowed myself to clutter up the heart that belongs to You?
How have I held on to the troubles of this world that You've begged me to surrender?
How have I lost touch with the intimacy that comes from doing each day with You by my side?
I feel closer to You in theory, but inside, I realize that I've replaced love with love.
I've never been good at sharing my heart. But I know that, by giving You it all, I am only more free to love others.
Right now, my love comes with a tax: the baggage that I carry around.
Oh, how I long to love freely. To let it all go and run to You.
....
What? You'll stay a while and help me clean up the place?
Sounds like a perfect start.