Hebrews 12: 1-2

On Sunday morning, I found myself to be an emotional basketcase, who even knows why. I could not stop crying! If you know me, you know that I absolutely hate it when people see me cry. HATE it. But hey, it happens. So, being Ms. Productivity, I decided to root out the source of my tears in order to root out this crybaby nancy inside of me. Through a lot of reflection and through God doing some things in the lives of people around me, I am finding that it is simply a personal problem; I am allowing negativity to permeate my mind and my spirit.
From the minute I wake up in the morning until I go to sleep at night, I am surrounded by sources of negativity. Fellow teachers, upset students, parent e-mails, even my own family's ridiculousness at times tempt me to give in, to be negative. The insecurities you always think are gone spring up in the least likely times. And I have let that completely saturate me. Why? Who knows. But it is starting to affect my relationships. I have not been seeking to share my faith at all. I have just been stagnant in this perpetual pity party and I am sick of it!
I was given an unexpected conference period today (TAKS week) so I decided to look up some Scripture and just meditate on it a bit. I turned to Hebrews 12:1-2, which reads: "Therefore since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." This verse has encouraged me to just let it go and stop letting all of the negative factors in my life affect me, because I am in control of that.
This has also given me a perspective on missions. I have been very sad that I am not able to go overseas right now, but I am seeing that I have a lot that I need to learn to be satisfied with, and going overseas will not make that go away. So, all that to say, I am looking forward to having time to sort through all of this, starting now. I refuse to let other people as well as my own thoughts affect my pursuit of holiness and intimacy with Christ.