I have to confess that, approximately 99.9% of the time, I tend to be extremely nearsighted in my faith. The focus of my thoughts and prayers are what is right in front of me, the small things that just seem like giants, things that I can't seem to move past, to conquer, that consume my life. However, it seems as though in the past week God has revealed several things that have made my focus extend. It seems like members of my family are really battling right now, and I find myself seeing how blessed I am with each passing minute.
Blow #1: I went to the doctor with my mom and little brother on Monday. My brother has always been labeled as delayed, because his biological mother was MR and drank through her pregnancy. However, the doctors told us that he has cerebral palsy and will be so delayed that he will never be able to live independently. As much as it hurts my heart, I also wouldn't change a thing about him...it's just hard to hear those words articulated.
Blow #2: My mom's heart issues from a few years ago are starting back up again. She again did not tell us.
Blow #3: A new addition to my family has had some very scary tests and is praying that the big "C" word isn't present there.
All of this to say, I am in awe of how these individuals have handled themselves in their attitudes towards their situations and towards God. The bigger picture seems predominant; the idea of being used for God's glory seems to be the resounding theme. I find myself envious and convicted, knowing that I have the ability to draw close to God and feel that same sense of purpose in the most minute of my problems. All of the heartaches that seem to consume me are very very small in comparison to these things. I am inspired to surrender my heart fully to God, knowing that He does have purpose in all things, and that I have the privilege of being healthy right now, and can intercede powerfully on their behalf.
Love learning lessons the hard way.
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