A Cluttered Heart Gets a Visit

Welcome, Lord.
Pull up a chair, sorry for the mess.
It's been a while since I let you visit my heart.
Yes, I have changed the decor, thanks
for noticing.
....
Oh, not a compliment? No matter, I'll just go on.
It's not every day I get a visit from You.
No, I didn't hear you knocking yesterday.
Or the day before that.
Or the day before that.
Funny...must have had my inner monologue turned up
too loud. Bought it on iTunes.
All it cost me was $Pride, $Worry, and a touch of
$Insecurity.
Not Your cup of tea, Lord? Sure, I don't mind turning it down.
Like I said, You are the guest of honor.
It's not every day I get...right, moving on.
....
Truth is, I'm kind of embarrassed.
I was planning on cleaning up before you came.
That huge stack of "body issues" in the corner?
That was going to disappear once I got my butt in the gym.
When? Tomorrow. It's all planned out for tomorrow.
Yes, I have said that before. But that was before.
Back to the mess...sorry again.
And I had planned on dusting off all of those "worry thoughts"
so that they would not look so, well, worrisome.
I keep them nice and neat, framed up on my wall so that
I can see them at all times.
I arrange them by whatever seems most pertinent.
What? You've never seen them? But they are right there, Lord.
Displayed. Arranged. Yes, they are in the corner, but
that is where I like them. No need for everyone to know.
I do have an image to keep, after all.

So, I guess You know that I'm getting married.
See? There's his hand right there, holding onto my heart.
Right where Yours used to be...wait.
Where did Your hand go?
I'm confused.
I see Your hands holding onto his heart so tightly.
I see Your presence radiating from his inner being.
He feels You. But so do I...so where is Your handprint on me?

How have I allowed myself to clutter up the heart that belongs to You?
How have I held on to the troubles of this world that You've begged me to surrender?
How have I lost touch with the intimacy that comes from doing each day with You by my side?
I feel closer to You in theory, but inside, I realize that I've replaced love with love.
I've never been good at sharing my heart. But I know that, by giving You it all, I am only more free to love others.
Right now, my love comes with a tax: the baggage that I carry around.
Oh, how I long to love freely. To let it all go and run to You.
....
What? You'll stay a while and help me clean up the place?
Sounds like a perfect start.