Realizations

Things I have realized this week:

1) I really struggle with trusting the Lord to take care of me. I worry way too much, and taking every thought captive is something I am working on.

2) I really, truly, love my church.

3) God is getting ready to do something big. I just know it....He has to be.

Longing for Eagles' Wings

Yesterday I experienced an obvious act of God's mercy in my life. It might sound silly, but to me this is a big deal. I took the GRE around 2pm, and halfway through had decided that there was no way I was going to achieve the minimum score required by UTA's masters program, which is a 500 on the verbal. I had resigned myself to taking it again, but during a break was doodling and ended up writing out a prayer to God. In my heart, it was a shot in the dark, and I was even laughing at myself. ("God, you know, if You could some how miraculously change some of my answers and just get me the minimum score, that would be great...") As I clicked over to see the results, I almost swallowed my tongue. 500 exactly on the verbal. 620 on the math, which I completely guessed on. There is no way that is an accident. I don't know why God saw fit to give me a little help, but I am grateful.
I am about to go to school and really need an attitude adjustment. I was reading Isaiah 40 and I want to live in that complete submission. I see so much contentment there. I see so much satisfaction in living in the shadow of the Lord's wings, to dwell in His shelter. But I feel as though I am avoiding the shade at all costs, and I don't know why or how. Tonight I really want to have a time of just reading and meditating, phone on silent, etc. However, the stack of journals and essays is looming at me menacingly. I am just going to make it happen, no matter what I guess.
Enough rambling...time for work.

I can't think of anything creative

Does anyone still play Tetris? I was thinking about it randomly a few minutes ago and how each piece directly correlates to one another. The goal is to not allow the blocks to reach the top. This is accomplished through several things: rotating the blocks, moving them from side to side, but most importantly, creating lines to destroy blocks. When this happens, everything shifts and you have a whole new landscape to work with. I think that life, in general, is a lot like this. Especially mine. I constantly have so many things running through my brain: what is the next step in my life? How can I be a better teacher? How can I serve in my church? Why is it so hard to desire to spend 15 minutes with Jesus? Where does my family fit into this conglomeration?
Sometimes, it takes the complete demolition of a neat, perfect row to jolt me into where I need to be. For those of you that haven't heard, Prague has fallen through. I am disappointed, but feel a sense of complete calm and peace about it all. This has resulted in several opportunities, including a fully paid for masters program! (pending that I get accepted) I have also been asked to co-lead a college community group at DBU. My relationship with my sister is getting better and better. God is completely blowing my plans apart, as He usually does, and it is awesome and much better than I could have come up with myself.
Now if there was a way to enjoy, to be satisfied without wanting more...it seems as though anytime I receive a blessing, I wonder why it was that blessing received instead of something else. I really hate how human I am sometimes. But the challenge extended last Sunday to not grumble or complain is really changing how I view everything in my life.
So, in conclusion, a lot of jumbled thoughts, but hey. That's me.