Domesticity

I just need to say that there are few things that I hate more than cleaning. If someone ransomed my first born and said that in order to get him/her back, I would have to fully clean my apartment top to bottom, I might have to think about it...that's how strongly I feel about it. Not that I am unsanitary or disgusting, I am just cluttered and disorganized. That's me, that is who I am. But that doesn't fly when people are coming over in less than 24 hours for a Christmas party. Grr.

Oh, completely random, but today in 7th period a girl "Reooowwwweed" me today. You know, the ghetto cat noise you make when someone snaps at you? I had no idea people still did that. And that is what I said. "(insert name here), you know people don't say that anymore, right? Can't you come up with something a little less junior high?" Her response was "Reeeeeoooowww."
This is who I teach.

Post #2 of the morning.

Today the blogging that is going on is part of my quiet time; I need to process before I start my week, and writing in my journal is just too slow.
I would like to pose the question, "How does one shift the desire for intimacy with God from something you know you should want to something you truly yearn for?"
This is something I am constantly yo-yoing back and forth from. At the beginning of the school year, I can honestly say I was starving for more and more of God. Devouring His word like it was Thanksgiving dinner. On my knees every day asking Him to reveal Himself to me and to draw me closer to Him.
But, as the pattern goes, this has become less and less. The more I feel like I can handle my job, the less I desire God. I know that this is off, and when I pray I ask God to rekindle that desire within me. My biggest struggle is that I feel like I am lying when I worship during this season. Is it wrong to lift my hands and sing "How Great is our God" when I am not necessarily praising Him throughout my day?
Anyways, I need to go to school. Just wanted to throw that out there.

Realist or a cynic?

After watching 2 of the most inspirational teacher movies ever known to man (Freedom Writers, Dead Poets Society) in a 48 hour period, I was left with several emotions relating to my current classroom situation. Anyone that has known me for a significant amount of time knows that my philosophy of education has changed drastically from what it was in college. I went into teaching with a desire to be like Mrs. G and Mr. Keating; to cry out with a "barbaric YAWP", to inspire students who didn't want to learn by caring about their lives...that at the end of the school year, I would be able to feel that I had put my heart and soul into my students and that they would leave my room with a passion for English and the knowledge that I believed in them.
What I have realized lately is that these systems assume that the students want you to care. That they want to be inspired. That they desire the "switch to click." Most of mine do not have this desire. Most of my students want to know what they need to do to get any kind of grade, and do not care about anything else I say. I spend the majority of my class time trying to keep everyone on task. There is no insightful discussion because I have to stop and say "quit talking, give me your phone, no you can't get a drink of water, that word isn't allowed in this classroom...." So I do what I have to do. I teach to the best of my ability and try to show them I care. But instead of them looking at me lovingly with whispers of "O Captain my Captain," they think that I am the biggest B-word they have ever encountered.
So I guess my question to myself is, am I becoming cynical, or just realistic about the public school system? Is it possible to teach like these inspirational figures in regular classes of the public school system? With all of the paperwork, failure intervention plans, meetings, ARDs, modifications, IEPs, etc., how do I truly do my job?
God has called me to this school for this season of my life. I know this. I am confident that He has prepared a good work beforehand for me to walk in here. But it is so difficult to keep my mind constantly on the eternal. I have had the opportunity to share my faith with a student who asked about a month ago. This is HUGE, I know. I am frustrated that all of the crap that comes with the job tends to overshadow awesome moments like that. But I guess my struggle is that the realist/cynic question comes to play in my relationship with God as well.
I am finally coming out of my cynical phase, I think. And it's about time. Being away from Howard Payne has not necessarily changed my viewpoint on a lot of things, but it has allowed me to think about what it means to show grace to people. Sometimes people are narrow minded, and don't care about what's going on in your life, and are judgmental, etc, myself included....but they have just as much crap going on in their lives as you. I am coming to appreciate the resources and people available to me instead of being so critical of the bride of Christ. So I guess if one good thing can come from my fall semester, that would be it!
I don't have answers to any of my questions. I just desire so much to be used by God in a way that pleases Him. And maybe that is happening, I don't know. I guess we shall see.

One more week...

I need a break! I cannot express to you how much I am looking forward to Thanksgiving. We get an entire week off, and I am planning on enjoying every second of it. I feel as though I am doing my students an injustice by just being lazy, but honestly, my brain is fried. I keep thinking, how am I going to do this for 24 more weeks? (Not that I am counting) It is slowly but surely getting better. I spent a whole lot of tears those first 8 weeks or so, and now I am getting more and more of a routine. Not that it's easier, mind you, but it's less of a change/transition every day.
I am extremely fed up of disrespect, though. I caught a kid with his mp3 on Friday. Just listening to his music, not caring about what I say. What bothers me about this kid is that he leads worship for his youth group. I am so frustrated that this kid is the example of Christianity in my class, but treats everyone, including me, like crap. He is rude and hateful, and I would rather deal with my kids that hate God than him. I guess that I really need to pray about that, lol.
Again, the less difficult it gets, the less I pray. I am trying to remedy this, to pray for kids like this one instead of feeling anger or frustration. I am begging God for patience each day, and I know that at the end of this school year, God will have done so much in me. I am praying that He will continue to melt away the bad and mold me into something that resembles Him just a bit more.
There are some other things right now that I can't broadcast, but if you are one of the few that know about these big changes coming up, things are looking good and I am excited.
Keep praying.

Word of the day

Yesterday was one of those days that you just want to run out of your job screaming "Never again!" while ripping your badge off and throwing it in an inferno of destruction. Anyone feel me on that? No one? It's okay, I am secure enough in my insanity to admit those feelings.
Anyway, this morning I am trying my best to have a major attitude adjustment; after all, it's not my 1st period's fault that a kid went off on my in 7th yesterday. I opened my Bible for a little Christian Roulette....what's it going to be today? With no real plan in mind, I opened up to Psalms. In the corner of the page, I had underlined Psalm 27:13-14. A few years ago, I was going through one of the most difficult times in my life. A guy who I barely knew referenced Psalm 27, saying that it had been his battlecry during his difficult moments. Honestly, even though I had highlighted and underlined it, I never really paid attention to the truth in this passage, but you better believe I am claiming it now:
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."
I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that God is with me, and that He has purpose and a plan for all of this mess. I am waiting, and will continue to do so, trusting that God is with me, that He loves me, and that He will not leave me. Ever.

God is good.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Trust

Funny how we make decisions based on the trust we have in the Lord, then immediately doubt. I long to be able to constantly trust God's hand in my life. To dispel the seeds of doubt the enemy so aptly plants in my mind. "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Gain or Loss?

I was reading my Streams in the Desert devotional the other day when I read something about Paul's vision for his life that made me stop in my tracks and pull an immediate re-read. He was speaking about gain and loss. "To live is Christ, to die is gain." The author poses the question: "Why is it that most of what Paul considers gain, we consider loss?" And it is true. We pray that God would save us from health issues, from stress, from heartache, from conflict, from negative insert-word-into-blank-here. We don't want to be troubled (and I think that this is natural). But these are the very things that bring Paul joy: he considers them "gain." How do we change our way of thinking to match Paul's? I have no idea. But I do know that the past 2 months, my relationship with God is better than ever. Not because my life is easy and that I have a-z going on for me. But because I am relying on Him more each day. I am on my knees in my classroom begging Him to move. I am looking around me and realizing that, even in the dark times, I am so blessed beyond belief.
My charge for anyone that reads this is to reflect. What in your life right now are you counting as loss that is really bringing you closer to God? Do you trust Him to be enough?

Community

The past almost 5 weeks have taught me a lot about myself. But, more so, I feel like I have learned about the necessity of community. I am still visiting churches and have not quite found my niche yet. Every Sunday I feel like I am playing church roulette. I have not yet visited the place where I really feel at home. What's rough about that is that, without a church home, I have no social interaction with anyone but my co-workers (who are great btw). I am ready to find a group of people to bond with. It's so strange; I never thought I would miss HPU like I do. And really, it's not that I miss the college life. I just miss the people. I miss going to T and C at 2 am to get Pepto Bismal for my roommate. I miss the house flooding and having to evacuate. I miss lunch dates. I am in dire need of community.
Not to say that my life sucks or anything. I am extremely blessed. I have a great job, pay day is Friday, a loving family, a safe and cozy apartment, and wonderful friends who, even though we are hours apart, still keep in touch. So, even though I have yet to find community, I am trusting the Lord and that He is enough.

Reflections after 2 weeks of "real world"

Tomorrow I will start my 3rd week of teaching. This weekend I have had a rollercoaster of emotions about the whole thing. I honestly have not been this down in a long time. It's not just about the teaching, but I think the combination of everything really got to me. I am living alone, I don't have a church home, my friends are scattered all over the US, and teaching is so much more difficult than I thought. It is an extreme test of my faith. I feel like I am learning a huge lesson of humility. I am just praying that I can rely on God's strength...and not feel like a failure. Not let Satan get me down. I know that, for the time being, I am where God has called me to be. I can't forget that.

work

I don't think I will have my head on straight again until June.
I worked until 8:30 tonight up at the school. Will probably stay later tomorrow. It will NEVER get finished.
If you read this, please pray for sanity and a little organization for my brain. And some grace from my students.
Monday=D-Day!!!

great insight on poetry and observation

I read this and thought it was great; not just applying to poetry but to the way we view life.

Toward An Impure Poetry by Pablo Neruda

"It is good, at certain hours of the day and night, to look closely at the world of objects at rest. Wheels that have crossed long, dusty distances with their mineral and vegetable burdens, sacks from the coal bins, barrels, and baskets, handles and hafts for the carpenter's tool chest. From them flow the contacts of man with the earth, like a text for all troubled lyricists. The used surfaces of things, the wear that the hands give to things, the air, tragic at times, pathetic at others, of such things--all lend a curious attractiveness to the reality of the world that should not be underprized.
In them one sees the confused impurity of the human condition, the massing of things, the use and disuse of substances, footprints and fingerprints, the abiding presence of the human engulfing all artifacts, inside and out.
Let that be the poetry we search for: worn with the hand's obligations, as by acids, steeped in sweat and in smoke, smelling of lilies and urine, spattered diversely by the trades that we live by, inside the law or beyond it.
A poetry impure as the clothing we wear, or our bodies, soup-stained, soiled with our shameful behavior, our wrinkles and vigils and dreams, observations and prophecies, declarations of loathing and love, idylls and beasts, the shocks of encounter, political loyalties, denials and doubts, affirmations and taxes.
The holy canons of madrigal, the mandates of touch, smell, taste, sight, hearing, the passion for justice, sexual desire, teh sea sounding--willfully rejecting and accepting nothing: a consummate poetry soiled by the pigeon's claw, ice-marked and tooth-marked, bitten delicately with our sweatdrops and usage, perhaps. Till the instrument so restlessly played yields us the comfort of its surfaces, an the woods show the knottiest suavities shaped by the pride of the tool. Blossom and water and wheat kernel share one precious consistency: the sumptuous appeal of the tactile.
Let no one forget them. Melancholy, old mawkishness impure and unflawed, fruits of a fabulous species lost to the memory, cast away in a frenzy's abandonment--moonlight, the swan in the gathering darkness, all hackneyed endearments: surely that is the poet's concern, essential and absolute.
Those who shun the "bad taste" of things will fall flat on the ice."

Sigh

I am so grateful that God's grace is sufficient for me, even me. I was humming to myself today and the old hymn "love lifted me" came into my head. Here are the lyrics, in case you have never been exposed to hymns.

I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more
But the Master of the sea, heard my despairing cry
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I
Love lifted me (even me)
Love lifted me (even me)
When nothing else could help, love lifted me! (even me)
Love lifted me (even me)
Love lifted me (even me)
When nothing else could help, love lifted me!!!!

This is songwriting at its finest.
How applicable is this to our condition?!!!! I don't know how it happens, but so often I find myself forgetting that I didn't dig myself out of the pit. I forget that sin didn't just leave me....that only the love of Christ can save! His love lifts me daily out of my grimy humanity...and heaven knows I need lifting. I think that I can hack sin myself....wrong again. Jesus hears me crying out to Him, and nothing but His response can lift me. (Even me).

If you need lifting, call upon the Master. That's His specialty.

Spiritual Prostitution

I don't understand.
I've pushed You away again,
And You offer LOVE.
Well, that sounds nice
But forbidden fruit is
So much easier.
Juicy. Sweet. Instant gratification.
You know this about me, yet You persist.
Why?

I always want to love You.
Every day, I say yes to Your call.
We sing our dysfunctional duet--
You, in perfect pitch.
Me, struggling to find the key.
Still You love me.
I don't understand.

Are You asking for abuse?
You are all-knowing,
No surprises. Ever.
So why choose rejection?
In pursuit of holy matrimony
I prostitute my heart.
Lust, pride, all-inclusive package rrrrrrriiiippppssss
m e a p a r t.
Why You are still here, I don't know.
Some small voice inside says
I can believe You.
Oh, how I want to.

I keep thinking You'll give up.
One of these days, You'll open
those all-seeing eyes
And cut the cord. Pound the gavel.
Pronounce me unlovable, unreachable,
Hopeless.
And I would understand, because
I wouldn't love me either.

I kneel, not knowing if this
Is the time I will hear my
Prayers bounce off the ceiling,
Back onto this page.
I wince, anticipating. Holding my breath.



Silence.





Then, Arms.
Holding me up. together. close.
Hands.
Wiping my face, my tears.
Cleaning up the mess of me--
the pieces of my past, present and future.
You put me back together again.
I don't get it, but I'm glad.
I'm so glad.
Somehow, I knew You would.
You and Your crazy LOVE.

Wedding Weekend!

This weekend was such a blessing to me. I got to see my best friend get married to a wonderful man of God. I got to spend time with people I care so much about, as well as people I don't know very well but are so much fun. I couldn't ask for a better wedding! Watching Mel and John say their vows, I realized how much God is glorified through marriage. Two people reflecting God's image coming together...wow. I am so blessed to be a part of their lives!!! I don't have time now to really elaborate, just felt like I needed to say a little something.

Chiseled Concrete

I haven't written anything spiritual in a while, so I think it's about that time. lol. I guess a reason for that is because, to be frank, I don't have much to write about. But what occurred last night was significant. Think in metaphors with me for a second. If the wall between God and I is made of concrete, don't consider this breakthrough a wrecking ball...consider it a tiny chiseled hole through which a tiny stream of water is jetting through. The great thing about this, though, is that one small crack spreads like wildfire. So you see why I am excited.
Growing up, I thought a LOT with my heart. I went on feeling, emotion, gut instinct. Every decision I made was through this, as was my relationship with God. I didn't know a lot theologically, but felt very intimate with God. This continued until sophomore year, which I see as my "End of Innocence" time of my life. That year was a lot of things, but none of them were pleasant. I experienced a silence from God like I had never known...and I didn't handle it with grace. There was a lot of Bible throwing, emotional outbursts in my room, etc. But I think what I pinpoint as the turning point was when my heart was broken and I became disillusioned with trust and blind faith, and began to think with my head.
Now, hear me out, I am not saying this is a bad thing. I think that we are created to be lifelong learners, and that God wants us to educate ourselves about Him and His creation as much as possible. But when your logic and intellect separate from your heart, you are in a world of trouble. Now around January I began to realize this about myself. My head was so disconnected from my heart that I just really didn't feel anything anymore...no hurt, no joy, no nothing. Just cynicism. I have tried to work on this, but it seems that I just can't feel God's intimacy when I read His word.
I have been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, trying to see if there is anything that could help me in there. And indeed there was. Chan mentions the verse in Deuteronomy where it commands us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." See? These things are all interconnected! I can't just love God with my heart, nor just with my mind. It all has to mix, and then and only then will intimacy be had. Now, knowing this and changing my ways are two different things. But, it is a starting point. I don't want to be cynical. I don't want to pour out empty worship on the altar. I want to feel something...anything. Dangerous prayer, I know.
This is my spiritual crack for the month of May. Hopefully, more cracks to come.

Church hunting

So, the time has come: on Sunday, I will visit my first church in the area. I have been so excited about this moment, and now that it is here, I am surprisingly really nervous! I don't want to go somewhere just because of the size, or the amount of people my age...I really want to plug in somewhere where God can use me. I want my heart to be in the right place...and I don't really know that it is. In Brownwood, it wasn't rocket science to figure out where God wanted me, nothing has ever really been that obvious in my life. But here...gosh, there are so many choices. Where to even start? So, if you are reading this by some slim chance, please pray this Sunday that God would give me guidance! While you are in the praying mood, please join me in lifting up my brothers and sisters that are serving this summer in some capacity. Here are a few that are on my heart:
Derek- Japan
Amanda B.- Japan
Hailey- India
Gail- India
Remington- Thailand
John- Peru
Josh- Colorado
Nicole- Japan
Tim and Molly- China
Matt- China
Corbin- Canada

Please join me in prayer for these wonderful people!!!!
-caty

Senior Goodbyes

Wednesday night, we had our senior goodbyes for Delta Chi Rho. This was a night I had been dreading yet looking forward to for a while. If you don't know how it goes, let me just tell you. The seniors are called, one at a time, to stand up in front of everyone. Each senior has another member talking about them, but it is a surprise until that night. So, one at a time, each senior gets talked about and it is really special. I was super nervous because I was worried no one would want to say anything about me...there is always that one member (at least) who no one really knows very well, and as you can tell by my recent posts, that is an insecurity of mine. So, I hear "Caty Skinner" and I stand up, nervously, not knowing whether or not I will cry. I hear Emily Tittle's name called. I was surprised, but really excited: I have known Emily since she was 16, a junior in high school...I was her intern for a couple of years. To sum up: my senior goodbye could not have been more perfect. Emily said so many things that I needed to hear...she talked about all of our memories together, and told me that I had always been such a good listener to her and she didn't know what she was going to do without me. Needless to say, I cried.
I think the reason why this was so good for me is that, as an intern, I never got much affirmation. And that is to be expected, in ministry one rarely sees fruit of what one does. But to hear someone say, "You made a difference in my life," makes it all worth it. Even if it is just one.
I am still processing through all of this goodbye mess. Rho is over. CABC is over. Classes are over. Many of my friendships are over. I don't mean to sound depressing, and really I don't feel depressed, but wow. It's really like the end of an era. My emotions are so crazy right now.

The Conflict Within

There are (in counting) 15 days until I graduate college and get my BA in English. I will eat great food and look hott (duh) on Thursday, grab a vine and an underclassman on Friday, and wake up at the crack of dawn Saturday morning, put on my cap, gown, and cords, then stroll leisurely across the stage, doing the "dead fish" handshake with Lanny. Then it will all be over and I will drive away from 4 HMC for the last time.
Wow.
If my life were a Shakespearean drama, Dr. Hopp would call this point in my life a "soul-shaking moment." All of a sudden, the high speed life of the college student comes to a halt and begins winding forward slowly, as if on instant replay. So much reflection, so many people to see, not enough time. Never enough time. It's times like these that really make me look back at my life. Who was I before HPU? Who have I become? Have I made a difference?
On the one hand, I am so ready. I have a job, a place to live (well, in July)and get to find a new church home. My life is wonderful! However, as much flack as I give HPU, this place is so special to me. Standing out by the bell towers, watching the makeout couples by Veda, the maintenance men riding around on Gators, I can't help but get emotional. It's almost over.
My best friend is getting married. One of my other best friends is leaving the country for 3 years. Yet another is going to law school. We are growing up. I am fine with growing up, just not apart. The thought of not seeing my loved ones all the time kills me. Brownwood is my home. It's the place that I first really glimpsed God's heart for me and for the world. It's where I met my mentors, my spiritual family.
Anyhoo...it's just hard to process through it all. All that is left to do is to suck the marrow out of as much of the time I have left as possible.

Song of Questions

I had a Harry Potter-esque moment today during class. As I was grading papers, my "scar" of writing urge started to "tingle". I had to wait until the bell rang, all the while, the tingling turning into a burning, until finally I broke open my journal and wrote this song down. It honestly might be terrible...but I had to write it.

Verse 1:
Don't want to feel
Don't want to listen
Don't want to cry
Don't want to pitch in
Don't want to pray
Is that okay?
Do You still love me?

Can't understand
Can't sing Your praises
Can't figure out
Can't seem to escape this
Can't smile today
Is that okay?
Do You still love me?

Chorus:
You will, and You can
and You have a plan for me
You were, and You are
all that You said You would be
You say trust You, and know
that You won't let me go
Cause You were, You are, I AM

Verse 2:
Just want to breathe
Just want to break through
Just want to laugh
Just want to hear You
Just want one day
To know I'm okay
And feel that You love me

Might have to try
Might need to trust You
Might have to speak
Might try to make do
Might see through the grey
Find out I'm okay
And know that You love me

Literature: detriment or necessity to Christianity?

In casual conversation with a 9th grade student, the book series Harry Potter was brought up. This series is very special to me, as well as possessing renound literary merit. Of course, I was excited to discuss these books with the unsuspecting girl (I am an English teacher, so sue me). However, I was greeted with this disappointing opinion: "Harry Potter shouldn't be read by Christians." My jaw dropped...not that this was the first time I have heard this, but I was appalled by the fact that someone other than Dr. James Dobson actually believed this. I began to bring up Christian themes, biblical allusions, etc. but the girl was convinced: "There are no Christian values in Harry Potter." I would like to also add the small detail that this girl had never read the books. But had watched the movies. Just saying.
This conversation caused me to think a lot about the role that non-Christian literature plays in faith. I will try to explore this issue from both sides, though it is obvious that I am biased. First I will try to go from Dobson's perspective. There are many verses in the Bible dealing with sin, sinful matters, etc. For example, 1 Timothy 6:11 tells us to "flee from these things (money, temptations), you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance {and} gentleness." Furthermore, 2 Timothy 2:22 states, "Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love {and} peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." I think that most would agree that these Scriptures are pretty self explanatory. We, as children of God, do not need to engage in sinful behavior. The key words here are "flee" and "pursue." The question most critics would pose is "What does it mean to flee youthful lusts?" Doesn't that mean to run as far away from sin as possible? Therefore, in approaching literature with questionable language, sexual content, etc., would it be appropriate, in pursuit of holiness, to avoid these novels?
Now, the opposing side. Looking at the same Scriptures, one could pose a completely different arguement. The question I would ask is "What defines youthful lusts?" Is it content itself, or our engaging in the content? Is it knowledge of the sin that we need to avoid, or activity in it? Now, don't read me wrong, I am not saying to go and rent pornographic material for learning purposes. But I think that the Holy Spirit has given us discernment to know what we can and cannot handle. For example, the novel Atonement. There is an extremely risque part where the two lovers in the book have sex in the library. I would like to make 2 points from this example. 1) Reading this part/this scene did not cause me to lust or to want to emulate this behavior. 2)This book has a Christian theme that cannot be argued, and this scene was much needed to allow the reader to fully grasp the theme of "atonement."
The Bible commands us to be in the world, not of the world. Yes, we are called to be holy, blameless, above reproach. We should flee from anything that causes us to stumble. We should flee from sin, period. However, we cannot forget the first part of this phrase, "IN the world." Bottom line: the world that we live in uses foul language. People use drugs. They drink alcohol. They have sex outside of marriage. They have man to man and woman to woman relationships. Christians should not pursue these things, but can we make a difference at all if we have zero understanding of the world we live in? I need to be able to have a conversation with people who are in this world. I need to be able to not appear as a "holier-than-thou." There are no censors walking down the street; therefore, I do not believe there should be any censors in literature. I would like to end with this thought: I read my Bible regularly. However, one of the most life-changing God moments I have ever had came from reading the poem "Psalm III" by Allen Ginsberg, a homosexual Beat poet who was quite fond of the "f" word.

Any thoughts?

los cosas favoritas

Yesterday I was asked what my favorite book was. Then my favorite movie. I could not answer! I really need to figure this out so that I will be prepared from now on.

Top 10 Favorite Books:

*1. Harry Potter Series (I am not going to count this in the list because it's not fair to the other books...so I am going to put another number one)

1. Memoirs of a Geisha- Arthur Golden
2. Pride and Prejudice- Jane Austen
3. Their Eyes Were Watching God- Zora Neale Hurston
4. The Other Boleyn Girl- Philippa Gregory
5. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe- C.S. Lewis
6. My Sister's Keeper- Jodi Piccoult
7. The Secret Life of Bees- Sue Monk Kidd
8. Matilda- Roald Dahl
9. Little Women- Louisa May Alcott
10. The Scarlet Letter- Nathaniel Hawthorne

Favorite Poems

1. "Psalm III"- Allen Ginsberg
2. "Renaissance" - Edna St. Vincent Millay
3. "Room of My Life"- Anne Sexton
4. "Theme for English B"- Langston Hughes
5. "Tinturn Abbey"- William Wordsworth
6. "cambridge ladies who live in furnished souls"- e.e. cummings
7. "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"- T.S. Eliot
8. "Tulips"- Sylvia Plath
9. "Surprised by Joy"- William Wordsworth
10. "l(a"- e.e. cummings

Joy Expressions

In response to my last post, I have at least made a step in the right direction: I am now taking guitar lessons from Dillon Phillips on Mondays. I have decided to take this break to really figure out what things I need to make time for. So, here are some things that make me happy:
writing songs
being able to play those songs
laying on blankets outside either reading or listening to music
reading fiction
working out
dancing...hip hop, latin, whatever!
coffee and comfy chairs
cool, artsy decorations

Ok, that is all for now.

Beauty

Sometimes, movies just really speak to me. It is so easy for me to forget what makes me feel absolute joy. I get so caught up in what I have to do that I miss out on really being spoken to...and hearing what is being told to me. In August Rush, Evan talks so much about the music. He gets caught up in it, in its message, in its beauty. He believes in its power. Last night when I was playing at Pecan Valley, it was the first time I had had that much fun in a long time. I felt like I was doing something really worthwhile. I know that, in order to really feel fulfillment with my writing, I need to learn how to play. Something. I just know it. Music speaks to my heart so much...I really feel like it is a connection between me and the Lord. As cheesy as this post sounds, I know that I need to do this. To take time..slow down...have some joy.

~268~

"Your name, O Lord, even Your memory, is the desire of our souls."
Isaiah 26:8
This speaks for itself.
I think I want 268 tattooed on my body.