Dear Husband,
I can't believe that as I write this letter, our wedding is in 3(ish) days. I cannot tell you how many times I have written letters over the years to "my future husband," with such a looming anonymity that I thought would never fully become a reality. Yet here we are.
I am changed because of you. You have helped me believe in love. You have showed me how to trust in people, how to completely let go of my pride and insecurity and just be myself, good, bad, and ugly. You have also shown me what it feels like to be loved and accepted despite all three of those things.
You have given me confidence in who God has created me to be. I know now that I can trust the passions and desires of my heart. I never thought that the person in my head that I imagined God sending me would really exist...yet here you are.
You have shown me that miracles do happen. What should have been a fluke blind date has transformed into something eternal. Things like that don't just happen to people. We are some of the few lucky ones. Out of all of the people we could have settled for and been content with, you are my "bullseye", someone who will be my best friend from now until we die.
You tell me how lucky you are. I am the lucky one. I see who you are, what is in your heart, and it is wonderful. Thank you so much for allowing me in and for giving me an opportunity to have the most amazing future I can imagine. I love you so much.
Love,
Your wife (3 ish days)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Dear Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
In 10 days, I will be a wife. I will take on a new name, and begin a completely new phase in my life. Guess what? You are not a part of it.
I thought you were a special person. I thought that you thought the same of me. I thought that there would be no way that my life would move in this direction without you somewhere in the picture.
You know what? It's okay. The Caty that you know would probably be trying to nag, call, freak out on you, begging for answers. But I don't need that now. I've come to the conclusion that it was merely a season. If you ever stumble upon this post, you might think that it's about you...but at the same time, I hope that it never even occurs to you that you are Anonymous. Why would it? I find the idea of you piecing it together somewhat offensive. So don't worry. It's not about you.
This is me officially shutting the door. Not slamming it. Just gently moving onto a place where 10th chances don't exist.
-Caty
For the record, when I started writing this letter, I had one person in mind. When I finished it, I realized I was talking to someone else. Weird. Does that make me schizophrenic?
In 10 days, I will be a wife. I will take on a new name, and begin a completely new phase in my life. Guess what? You are not a part of it.
I thought you were a special person. I thought that you thought the same of me. I thought that there would be no way that my life would move in this direction without you somewhere in the picture.
You know what? It's okay. The Caty that you know would probably be trying to nag, call, freak out on you, begging for answers. But I don't need that now. I've come to the conclusion that it was merely a season. If you ever stumble upon this post, you might think that it's about you...but at the same time, I hope that it never even occurs to you that you are Anonymous. Why would it? I find the idea of you piecing it together somewhat offensive. So don't worry. It's not about you.
This is me officially shutting the door. Not slamming it. Just gently moving onto a place where 10th chances don't exist.
-Caty
For the record, when I started writing this letter, I had one person in mind. When I finished it, I realized I was talking to someone else. Weird. Does that make me schizophrenic?
Mrs. Dearing, Anxiety, and Earmuffs
I apologize to the 26 followers I have for being MIA lately. It has been crazy, what with moving, the end of school, and yes, planning a wedding. Since it is summer and my sleep schedule is absolutely whack, I'm going to spend some late night reflection time here with you, processing all of this stuff.
I am super excited about getting married. I cannot believe it is only in 10 days. I will no longer be a Skinner. I am surprisingly okay with that...I always thought it would be this huge "surrendering my identity" thing...but really, I feel like my personality, my crazies, everything that makes me a "Skinner" will not only stay intact, but be protected and encouraged by my future hubs. I look forward to being a married couple, to people not asking us anymore about how we like being engaged, and am just ready for normalcy! This year has been the absolute best year of my life, but we have encountered some real roller coasters. At least now, when things like anxiety hits, we don't have to go it alone. J, I love you and can't imagine any happier of a life than one spent with you. 10 days. Get excited.
Update on the anxiety...it's been interesting but things have been somewhat better. I've only had 3 panic attacks in about a 6 week span, which is a huge improvement. Lately anxiety has manifested itself in a LOT of stomach aches and issues that go with that. I also have hormones that think they are jumping beans. It's a wild ride in this head of mine! But I think that the rest of the summer will lend itself as an opportunity to wind down and really get some needed veg out time. I can still use any prayer that you want to throw my way, and I appreciate those of you who have really encouraged me through this yuckiness.
Lastly...I've taken a somewhat apathetic turn the past couple of weeks regarding my usual opinionated thoughts. I'm hoping it's a phase. I am doing the best I can to put my "earmuffs" on so to speak and just go about my business. I was all psyched up to write a post on gossip because I've been reading some Scripture about the power of words and was all sorts of fired up, but I really feel like God is just telling me to shut up at the moment. So consider this as me minding my own business and not adding my 2 cents in as of late.
10 days! Caty Dearing. Caty Dearing. Still not used to it.
I am super excited about getting married. I cannot believe it is only in 10 days. I will no longer be a Skinner. I am surprisingly okay with that...I always thought it would be this huge "surrendering my identity" thing...but really, I feel like my personality, my crazies, everything that makes me a "Skinner" will not only stay intact, but be protected and encouraged by my future hubs. I look forward to being a married couple, to people not asking us anymore about how we like being engaged, and am just ready for normalcy! This year has been the absolute best year of my life, but we have encountered some real roller coasters. At least now, when things like anxiety hits, we don't have to go it alone. J, I love you and can't imagine any happier of a life than one spent with you. 10 days. Get excited.
Update on the anxiety...it's been interesting but things have been somewhat better. I've only had 3 panic attacks in about a 6 week span, which is a huge improvement. Lately anxiety has manifested itself in a LOT of stomach aches and issues that go with that. I also have hormones that think they are jumping beans. It's a wild ride in this head of mine! But I think that the rest of the summer will lend itself as an opportunity to wind down and really get some needed veg out time. I can still use any prayer that you want to throw my way, and I appreciate those of you who have really encouraged me through this yuckiness.
Lastly...I've taken a somewhat apathetic turn the past couple of weeks regarding my usual opinionated thoughts. I'm hoping it's a phase. I am doing the best I can to put my "earmuffs" on so to speak and just go about my business. I was all psyched up to write a post on gossip because I've been reading some Scripture about the power of words and was all sorts of fired up, but I really feel like God is just telling me to shut up at the moment. So consider this as me minding my own business and not adding my 2 cents in as of late.
10 days! Caty Dearing. Caty Dearing. Still not used to it.
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