Emotional Promiscuity

Society tends to divide a person's sexual experiences into extremes. We are weighed, measured, and heaped into one of two categories, first of which is the "prude." For a woman, this usually is associated with virginity, but it can become so much more than that. For some reason, being disassociated with sex before marriage has such a negative connotation. There's "something wrong" with her, they whisper. However, the other extreme is frowned upon just as much, if only by other audiences. This woman is the "slut." Sleeps with whomever, shows her stuff, makes dirty jokes. All women seem to fall into one of these categories. One never really gossips about the girl who "has some sex, she probably likes it when she has it, only with serious relationships..." It's always either ripping a girl to shreds because of her lack of bumping and grinding, or looking with disgust as we imagine Jane Doe humping an entire army of men without blinking an eye. Sex has so much to do with how we think, how we interact with others. It's one of the main ways that we size each other up, and often how we judge others (albeit wrong to do so). 21st century culture is immersed in sexual under(and over)tones, which leads me to my thought bubble of the day; does promiscuity stretch beyond the bedroom?

Promiscuity is characterized as casual, indiscriminate. When we use the word, we are referring to the act of having casual sex with no real boundaries, rules, or moral code. Timbaland seeks the affections of the "Promiscuous Girl" in da club, knowing that if he's wanting to get some, she is the one putting out. I have seen this attitude destroy such lovely people. Somewhere in the mix of it all, it seems that self-worth becomes lost in translation and is replaced with a sense of indifference. Here me when I say that I'm not trying to be judgmental and say that because I have chosen the path of the "prude" that I think I am somehow more superior and knowledgeable about life. Quite the opposite, actually. Whereas I am not promiscuous in my sex life, I do tend to display a type of emotional looseness in my day to day life.

Lately, I've noticed that my emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Like, crazy lady style. I feel anxious, excited, sad, nervous, hopeful, grateful, afraid, worried, angry...all at once. I pride myself in thinking that I am a genuine and real person; that if someone asks me how my day is going, and it absolutely sucks, I will be the last to say "Oh, hunky dorey, couldn't be better!" Instead I'll briefly explain that it's not my favorite day, but I'll survive. Honesty is good, right??? However, I feel that lately I've kind of lost control. To anyone that asks, I'll spew forth a fountain of feelings. I'll shed some tears. I'll get fired up and talk more loudly than I should. I'll laugh uncontrollably. It's an emotional overdose.

I approach relationships in the same way. I realized last weekend through some unfortunate events that I put waaaaay too much of myself into all facets of my life: my students, my acquaintances, even people who I don't know well at all. I allow myself to be not just hurt, but brutally wounded simply because of my stray emotions.

It's casual. It's random. It's done without a thought or care in the world. I'm an emotional slut.

Can one go backwards here? If we are talking sex, there is no way to return to the virginal disposition once established as a fallen woman. I've been whoring out my feelings for so long...can I go back to containing them like normal?

Just some late night thoughts from a very tired (and very sore) girl.