So, I really hate the economy right now. Can I say that? It's so dadgum hard to get a job! I had a really great interview today, but I am pretty sure I didn't get the job, because the manager of 24 Fitness said he would call me today if I was hired..and no call. But maybe he just got busy. I don't know. So I am trying to really trust that God is not going to leave me hanging. I know He isn't, but I really haven't been in this situation financially EVER, you know? I am just praying that my independent business will take off soon, because I know that is something I am meant to do!
So, back to the story. This really isn't a fun part to tell. I have been putting it off and dreading it, mostly because it's not familiar to a lot of people, even those close to me. But it needs to be said. The physical transformation I went through from my freshman to sophomore year of high school completely changed the way people saw me. Now, not only do I have the joy of the Lord making me outgoing, but I have highlights, no more braces, a tan, and a curvy figure. All of a sudden, everyone who had given me crap for so long were confused. Their thoughts were something to the effect of: "what do we do with her? She's much better looking, but still a prude." So I became Object: bring Caty down to our level. Luckily I stayed out of trouble with guys that year, but it never occured to me to hold off on dating or to look for a growing Christian. According to my family, if he went to church and wasn't trying to get me under the covers, it was all good.
My trouble began at the end of my sophomore year. A guy 5 years older than me, who I had been friends with for a while, started showing interest in me. This caused a rift between my parents: mom thought it was fine, dad said no. Guess what I went with? I lied to my dad for a while, but finally told him, deliberately disobeying him. I started dating this guy, who began to really push me physically past what I was comfortable with. At 16, I got very close to having sex, and being terrified, broke the relationship off. I found out later that it was a big joke to him also, which crushed me. This guy was my first love, and I felt so insecure after that. Would the next guy use me too?
Even more scary was the door that was opened. Before this relationship, physicality was never a temptation with me. I had kissed before, but it wasn't a big deal. Now, all of a sudden, I had this inner label of shame attached to me. Plus, I realized that I enjoyed the physical. It was a place where no one could fight with me or tear me down...I felt in control. I carried this even into my first years of undergrad at HPU.
Howard Payne...finally a place where I could meet people of shared values! Within the first few weeks, I had met so many people, made friends, and met a really cute guy. In months, I would think he was THE guy. I will save that part for next time...
Have a great weekend everyone!
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