The Story of a Girl, Part 2

So I haven't written anything in a week, partially because I haven't had time, and well...I haven't had time. Graduate work is a beast, even though I love it. Plus, I have been busting my but to possible audition for 24 Fitness on Friday as a TKB instructor! So keep your fingers crossed for me...

So picking up from the Christian counselor...I am not sure where little Edna got her credentials, but when I talked to her about my depression, feelings of guilt, etc., her suggestion was a psychiatric hospital. Mind you, I was 10. Obviously my parents refused, so I was referred to a psychiatrist that was not Christian. The reason for this was that he could prescribe medication, and that seemed like the obvious solution to the parents. Looking back now, it makes me sad that I missed out on such a happy part of my life. Why didn't anyone think, "Maybe she just needs to talk it out?" But instead, I tried to get better so that I would stop putting everyone else through hell. My home was full of tension, people not knowing what to do with me. Honestly, the best part about the whole situation was that I started journaling, which has led to my love for writing today.
I was prescribed Prozac, then something stronger, not really making much progress. I cried all the time and had a hard time making friends...because I didn't know how to react to people my own age. I had big teeth, bifocals, and was constantly trying to play up the "smart" card, which made everyone feel more at ease around me.
When I was in the 6th grade, my mom and stepdad moved me from the 5A Mansfield school district to Iredell, TX, population 360. That's right...10 people in my grade. I think they thought I would stop with the perfectionism, but I became more determined to be both liked and smart. I think the thing I am most thankful for in junior high was the involvement of team sports. This gave me something to look forward to, taught me social skills, and helped me grow out of my awkward appearance stage. Basketball and academics became my life. As I entered high school, I became more and more comfortable with myself, and began to transform from extreme shyness to an outgoing personality.
Let's talk a little bit about religion. If you have heard of the term "legalism," that scratches the surface of what I was raised in. You don't drink. You don't curse. You don't have sex. You read your Bible. Go to church when the doors are open. These are the things that one must do to have a relationship with God. The whole goal is to not disappoint Him. So in all things, I acted as though I loved God, but in reality thinking He must not love me. Yet another motivation for perfection. Even though I grew up knowing about God, I had a true Holy Spirit encounter when I was 14. I met someone like me, who was constantly trying to be perfect, but had truly encountered God's grace. It was then that I believe I truly accepted Christ. However, unlike many testimonies, my real difficulties started after my transformation. We will save some of that for next time.