Sigh

I am so grateful that God's grace is sufficient for me, even me. I was humming to myself today and the old hymn "love lifted me" came into my head. Here are the lyrics, in case you have never been exposed to hymns.

I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more
But the Master of the sea, heard my despairing cry
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I
Love lifted me (even me)
Love lifted me (even me)
When nothing else could help, love lifted me! (even me)
Love lifted me (even me)
Love lifted me (even me)
When nothing else could help, love lifted me!!!!

This is songwriting at its finest.
How applicable is this to our condition?!!!! I don't know how it happens, but so often I find myself forgetting that I didn't dig myself out of the pit. I forget that sin didn't just leave me....that only the love of Christ can save! His love lifts me daily out of my grimy humanity...and heaven knows I need lifting. I think that I can hack sin myself....wrong again. Jesus hears me crying out to Him, and nothing but His response can lift me. (Even me).

If you need lifting, call upon the Master. That's His specialty.

Spiritual Prostitution

I don't understand.
I've pushed You away again,
And You offer LOVE.
Well, that sounds nice
But forbidden fruit is
So much easier.
Juicy. Sweet. Instant gratification.
You know this about me, yet You persist.
Why?

I always want to love You.
Every day, I say yes to Your call.
We sing our dysfunctional duet--
You, in perfect pitch.
Me, struggling to find the key.
Still You love me.
I don't understand.

Are You asking for abuse?
You are all-knowing,
No surprises. Ever.
So why choose rejection?
In pursuit of holy matrimony
I prostitute my heart.
Lust, pride, all-inclusive package rrrrrrriiiippppssss
m e a p a r t.
Why You are still here, I don't know.
Some small voice inside says
I can believe You.
Oh, how I want to.

I keep thinking You'll give up.
One of these days, You'll open
those all-seeing eyes
And cut the cord. Pound the gavel.
Pronounce me unlovable, unreachable,
Hopeless.
And I would understand, because
I wouldn't love me either.

I kneel, not knowing if this
Is the time I will hear my
Prayers bounce off the ceiling,
Back onto this page.
I wince, anticipating. Holding my breath.



Silence.





Then, Arms.
Holding me up. together. close.
Hands.
Wiping my face, my tears.
Cleaning up the mess of me--
the pieces of my past, present and future.
You put me back together again.
I don't get it, but I'm glad.
I'm so glad.
Somehow, I knew You would.
You and Your crazy LOVE.