Submission and the Christian Marriage

Submission has become a buzz word as of late in the discussion of Christian marriage. With the surge of the feminist movement and the independent woman, the Lucy Ricardos have been slowly replaced by the Mary Tyler Moores, career women who can do it all, including having a family while simultaneously saving the world. The portrayal of men in the nuclear family has become less of a leader and more of the weak comic relief (point to Everybody Loves Raymond). Our current generation is experiencing the undertow of this transition, and we find ourselves asking how the world we live in can mesh with the Biblical concept of submission. Under this patriarchal structure, we women find ourselves feeling suppressed, stifled, and resentful. I know that growing up, my idea of Biblical submission seemed to be that, when push comes to shove, the man makes the decisions, and the woman keeps her mouth shut. I admit that if this is submission, it makes me want to puke.
I am not a career woman, nor am I a man hater or an immasculator. I simply am, as several friends put it, "a lot." I am passionate about my ideas, about God's plan for my life, and my personality exudes this to the point that I have to reign it all in. I know that God has created me this way, so I feel that I need to reexamine my idea of submission to find a different picture than what is presented before me.
In Ephesians 5, the roles of husbands and wives are drawn out fairly clearly. Wives are told to respect their husbands, and husbands to love their wives. At first glance, it appears that the woman is asked to check herself, so to speak. But I believe that we leave out a pivotal part of this passage when close reading, v. 21, which states "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Amplified Version). Let me break down my logic into bullet points:
1) When we are committing to marry, it is under the assumption that we love that person more than we love ourselves.
2) Therefore, every decision we make within marriage is first weighed against the benefit of our spouse rather than our own selfish gain.
3) If points one and two are actively lived out by both parties, doesn't this present the image of mutual submission?

Of course I want to marry a man that is the "leader" of my family. But in my opinion, a leader is not someone who tells me what to do and how to think. It is a man who knows me better than I know myself, who protects and provides for our family by maintaining integrity and honor, and who respects and loves me for who I am, not what I have to offer him. I think that the image of mutual submission best fits the servanthood of Christ, when He washes the feet of the disciples. By serving one another in marriage, we become more like Christ and live in the freedom of who He has created us to be.

Thoughts?

Who is he?

I just got home from seeing the new Clooney movie "Up In The Air." Deep but not too deep, funny but not too funny, chick flick and guy movie all in one, this film explores the dynamic of commitment, relationships, and how companionship looks for all sorts of people. One scene in particular involves Clooney, his love interest who is in her mid 30s, and his 23 year old co-worker who was just dumped via text message. She begins to describe the perfect "love of her life," the person she refuses to settle with anyone else for. This man is described to a T, and has very specific appearance, job, etc. The movie portrays this girl's hopes as the norm for a 23 year old, and the other two characters exchange a knowing glance as though "she will learn sooner or later." As a 23 year old woman, I would like to defend myself and say that my desires are not unreasonable, though I find myself in the same boat as this girl often.
My criteria for the lucky gent who will eventually buy me a nice addition to my left hand is pretty simple, though a little specific, I think. Physically, the only thing I care about is that we have some kind of chemistry and that he tries to be healthy, and it might help if he were at least my height. But mainly I care about the heart. Loves Jesus. Loves people. Is outgoing and has a sense of humor. Is a leader but is not threatened by my opinions, and actually enjoys challenging and being challenged. Can be romantic (I almost choked on that one, don't know if I even believe in that, lol). Where are these guys? Why do I get flack for being specific instead of men getting flack for not stepping up?
Just some things I am thinking about.

English Extravaganza

In about 30 minutes, I will be off to my end of the year party with my fellow English graduate students. If you would have asked me a year ago, I never would have guessed that I would be 9 hours into another degree by this time. Being in grad school has stretched me beyond belief...I have met people of all different walks of life, I have learned things that I didn't think I had the capacity to learn, and have become a much more well rounded person in my social life. I love that I am about to sit at a table and have margaritas with people who have completely different lifestyles and ideas than me, and that it is literature and a passion for words that binds us all together. This makes me so utterly happy. :) Just saying.

Hypocrisy or Vulnerability? This is Me: Suck It.

As a Christian, I am constantly under scrutiny. Whether I realize it or not, there are people constantly watching every move I make, listening to how I speak, and evaluating my relationships with people. This used to be a source of pride for me in my legalistic days...I enjoyed it when people called me perfect, and found my worth and satisfaction in the expression "I could never be like that." Well, those days are long since gone, and I am finding myself facing a new challenge: being viewed, and even feeling like, a hypocrite.
By definition, a hypocrite is someone who says one thing yet does another: a person who does not "practice what they preach." This is usually the biggest gripe that society has with Christians. We are all hypocrites...we preach "perfection" yet do not practice it. Of course this is an accurate assessment to some extent; we try to do what is right, and of course, we fail most of the time. I think that the goal of churches such as TCAL, however, is to break through that image and to point out that it is not out of pride that we are hypocrites but simply out of our fallen nature, that we are all on an even playing field.
With this vulnerability of "here I am, here is my crap, this is me," I am finding that the Christian community does not necessarily approve. I feel myself being categorized as a hypocrite when I say I will stop gossiping yet fail miserably, when I say that I try to pray yet have a surge of anger towards God, etc. My vocalizing of these things, though intending to be more authentic, usually gives me more flack. People assume that I am not a "good enough Christian" to be in leadership. She has issues...we can't put her in charge. I say to you who think this, "You are full of crap." Maybe a word stronger than that.
I think that I am finally at that place where I can not care about those opinions. I don't hold bitterness toward the people from high school and college who aren't of the same opinion as me, and I remember when I was like that as well. But I refuse to filter and stifle the authenticity I feel it's my duty to live out just because it makes you uncomfortable. Obviously there is a balance...but if you truly desire community, that involves connecting at both the good level and the bad. Saying "you know, I am really not feeling it today."
Last week our small group coined the phrase "This is me: Suck It." As offensive as that may be, I want to put that on a T-Shirt and dance around a bit. I think I actually might. I care about your opinion if I am becoming a stumbling block to those who do not know Christ, but if you are a Christian and my openness about my life offends you, then by all means say your peace and keep on moving. I am sure that there is a less offensive hypocrite who would love to be your friend.
Harsh? Probably. But, in my opinion, necessary.