Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Grief by Default

How one deals with death differs from person to person. There are books, self-help CDs, television shows, and therapy sessions all geared toward our encounter with tragedy. However, how does a person deal with the grief of a friend who has just lost someone dear to them?
My roommate's mother died last week. After an 8 month battle with stomach cancer, she went to be with Jesus. My friend, who is stoic in all aspects, has composed herself beautifully through the whole process, being a pillar of strength to her family, seeming affected but not tormented. Now that the funeral is over, she is home, and things are starting to become real. Tonight I saw the depths of despair going on in her heart, and for once in a blue moon, I was speechless.
I want to help. I want to hug her and tell her it's okay even though it's not. I want to give her space. I want to speak words of wisdom into her life. I want to be silent. I want to take the pain away from her and see the joy flood back into her heart. But I am clueless on what to do.
I have been blessed that I have not yet lost a parent. I do not know how to help. Should I pray silently and let her alone? Is one expression of "I love you and am here" enough, or is this something that needs to be repeated? I trust God that He will sustain my friend, and that He will lavish His undying love onto her broken spirit. But if I can help that process, I want to. I would appreciate any advice from anyone who has been there or can relate.

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