Disclaimer: Basically I have never really cared about what is on my blog, because I'm pretty much an open book. However, due to certain issues discussed pertaining to certain readers, I went back and deleted a couple of posts. I don't think it will affect anyone's life or anything (yes, sarcasm) but I just thought I'd throw that out there to any potential stalkers I have.
Easter is less than a week away. At this time last year, I was moving into a new apartment, applying for graduate school, and attempting to figure out what my life would look like without teaching. I found myself questioning God a lot concerning His purpose for my life: what was my calling? what kind of person do You want me to be? When will I come to a place of contentment and peace with my life?
Now, Easter is upon me, and I find myself moving AGAIN into a new apartment. My life is radically different from one year ago, and I am amazed at God's providence. It's always so hard to understand the "why" in what God calls me to do, but now that I am looking back, it's becoming more and more apparent. Here are some of the "why"s and some of my thoughts pertaining to them:
1) "Lord, why can't I go to Prague? Why are you keeping me here?" For those of you who do not know, I was fully accepted and signed away to begin an AP English program for MKs in Prague, Czech Republic. I would have started in August and be finished up by this June. Around Christmas, I began sensing that this was the wrong decision, but I ignored it until about February. There have been many times since that I have yearned to be there and asked God why. However, the numerous occasions and opportunities presented this year prove that, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am supposed to be here.
2)"What am I going to do with my life???" After discovering the difficulty of getting a teaching job at the college level, added to my failure as a sales representative, I was full of doubt concerning my occupation. Just to make some money, I started subbing at the elementary level and FELL IN LOVE. As I was praying for an opportunity to transition into elementary, a job opened up at my stepmom's school for me to truly test my limits of patience and teach special education. The student I teach has changed me, and has been used by God to refine me into a much better person. I've learned how to teach in ways I never thought I could. I'm so grateful for him!
3) The issue of contentment. It's hard when everyone around you seems to be marrying and having babies, and you are not going on dates EVER. I have often found myself complaining to God and wondering what was wrong with me, and why certain flirtations just didn't go beyond that. Last fall, I finally felt at a place that I didn't care anymore, that God had made me who I am for a purpose, and I could be okay being by myself if it meant that my relationship with God was good. I think that being so much more okay with this has opened up opportunities for the better. Wink wink. lol
4) Random connections and opportunities. I know that I was stressed beyond belief about leading a small group this semester. I don't know how many times I wanted to quit. But leading the group I have has connected me to people I never would have met otherwise. It's crazy to think of how God has orchestrated all of that, knowing exactly what I need in this season of my life and providing it.
I could go on forever, but I am starting to see the tiny threads He is using to weave my life together. Even as I have typed this blog up, I have had an opportunity to share God's grace with someone I never thought would be receptive to it. Life is good. I am blessed.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Prelude to Spring Break
Tonight at small group, we sat outside the Mullins's back porch and started discussing Mr. Chambers as usual. I always love our group discussions, as we have a group of people this semester that really know how to be real and hash out the tough issues, which always makes for a good time. One of my friends was talking about the past year and a half, and how her walk with God has so drastically changed...and it makes me think about my last 18 months, and I'd have to agree with her on that one. I've grown up a lot...and am so thankful for what God has blessed me with.
I tend to always complain when God doesn't meet my needs in the way I think He should. Which is so stupid. But it's what I do. But tonight I was challenged to really count my blessings and see that He has provided me with such peace...I can't even begin to understand it.
-I am a member of a church family that loves me unconditionally. TCAL is my other family. I love it.
-I have such a great support system within my family. Just like iron sharpens iron, my fam makes me want to be a better person.
-I have great friends who pray for me and encourage me, who make me laugh until I start wheezing (super cute) and who accept me for the quirky person that I am.
-And the blessings go on and on...
This past year has held some very tough knocks, so to speak. But I feel different now...I feel as though I've let God take control and that He is winning that battle for me! It's refreshing. It's amazing. And now that I've stopped worrying about everything, I'm able to just enjoy my life and be happy. Which is quite excellent.
If you don't have that kind of support system, I encourage you to find it. Come to my group if you don't know one. Promise you'll leave feeling encouraged.
I tend to always complain when God doesn't meet my needs in the way I think He should. Which is so stupid. But it's what I do. But tonight I was challenged to really count my blessings and see that He has provided me with such peace...I can't even begin to understand it.
-I am a member of a church family that loves me unconditionally. TCAL is my other family. I love it.
-I have such a great support system within my family. Just like iron sharpens iron, my fam makes me want to be a better person.
-I have great friends who pray for me and encourage me, who make me laugh until I start wheezing (super cute) and who accept me for the quirky person that I am.
-And the blessings go on and on...
This past year has held some very tough knocks, so to speak. But I feel different now...I feel as though I've let God take control and that He is winning that battle for me! It's refreshing. It's amazing. And now that I've stopped worrying about everything, I'm able to just enjoy my life and be happy. Which is quite excellent.
If you don't have that kind of support system, I encourage you to find it. Come to my group if you don't know one. Promise you'll leave feeling encouraged.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Theology According to Brandi Carlile
Last night, I overcame my old lady-ness and went to a Brandi Carlile concert (on a school night! Yes you may applaud me). This was my third time to see Brandi, so I knew what kind of performer she was and basically what to expect. However, nothing ever prepares me for how amazing her voice is. Her lyrics are awesome, and it just was all around a fantastic thing.
The whole time I've listened to her, I have never really known anything about her personal life. But tonight, in between one of her songs, Brandi opened up about her religious background while mentioning her reaction to a friend committing suicide in high school. As she talked about how angry she was at 16 with her friend for killing himself, she mentioned that she was brought up Baptist. "I mean, REAL Baptist. I focused more on being Baptist than doing my homework, which is why I...graduated 'early'." It became very obvious that Brandi has derived some of her bitterness from religion that was shoved down her throat as a kid. My first reaction was "Oh, Brandi! You went to church?" followed closely by "Oh. Brandi. You went to church...."
I hate that tradition can get in the way of experiencing joy. I am not trying to hate on the church by any means, because Lord knows I've done enough of that in the past. But seeing what amazing talent this girl has, and the amount of influence she as on the world, it breaks my heart that she will likely forever carry a bitter taste in her mouth towards Jesus just because of how a random group of religious people treated her. Her songs are so powerful and vulnerable...it would be amazing to see her allow the Lord to fill up that hole instead of booze, sex, or the other things we all substitute for the real thing...to experience a friendship with a person who loves God but is open about the fact that they aren't perfect...that they are just as in need of grace as anyone.
It takes experiencing real grace to understand what true freedom in Christ feels like. I hope that I will never be "that Baptist" and will always be a person who enjoys life to the fullest, knowing that I have hope and am truly and deeply loved by a God who is actively involved in my life.
Just some thoughts.
The whole time I've listened to her, I have never really known anything about her personal life. But tonight, in between one of her songs, Brandi opened up about her religious background while mentioning her reaction to a friend committing suicide in high school. As she talked about how angry she was at 16 with her friend for killing himself, she mentioned that she was brought up Baptist. "I mean, REAL Baptist. I focused more on being Baptist than doing my homework, which is why I...graduated 'early'." It became very obvious that Brandi has derived some of her bitterness from religion that was shoved down her throat as a kid. My first reaction was "Oh, Brandi! You went to church?" followed closely by "Oh. Brandi. You went to church...."
I hate that tradition can get in the way of experiencing joy. I am not trying to hate on the church by any means, because Lord knows I've done enough of that in the past. But seeing what amazing talent this girl has, and the amount of influence she as on the world, it breaks my heart that she will likely forever carry a bitter taste in her mouth towards Jesus just because of how a random group of religious people treated her. Her songs are so powerful and vulnerable...it would be amazing to see her allow the Lord to fill up that hole instead of booze, sex, or the other things we all substitute for the real thing...to experience a friendship with a person who loves God but is open about the fact that they aren't perfect...that they are just as in need of grace as anyone.
It takes experiencing real grace to understand what true freedom in Christ feels like. I hope that I will never be "that Baptist" and will always be a person who enjoys life to the fullest, knowing that I have hope and am truly and deeply loved by a God who is actively involved in my life.
Just some thoughts.
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