I just need to say that there are few things that I hate more than cleaning. If someone ransomed my first born and said that in order to get him/her back, I would have to fully clean my apartment top to bottom, I might have to think about it...that's how strongly I feel about it. Not that I am unsanitary or disgusting, I am just cluttered and disorganized. That's me, that is who I am. But that doesn't fly when people are coming over in less than 24 hours for a Christmas party. Grr.
Oh, completely random, but today in 7th period a girl "Reooowwwweed" me today. You know, the ghetto cat noise you make when someone snaps at you? I had no idea people still did that. And that is what I said. "(insert name here), you know people don't say that anymore, right? Can't you come up with something a little less junior high?" Her response was "Reeeeeoooowww."
This is who I teach.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Post #2 of the morning.
Today the blogging that is going on is part of my quiet time; I need to process before I start my week, and writing in my journal is just too slow.
I would like to pose the question, "How does one shift the desire for intimacy with God from something you know you should want to something you truly yearn for?"
This is something I am constantly yo-yoing back and forth from. At the beginning of the school year, I can honestly say I was starving for more and more of God. Devouring His word like it was Thanksgiving dinner. On my knees every day asking Him to reveal Himself to me and to draw me closer to Him.
But, as the pattern goes, this has become less and less. The more I feel like I can handle my job, the less I desire God. I know that this is off, and when I pray I ask God to rekindle that desire within me. My biggest struggle is that I feel like I am lying when I worship during this season. Is it wrong to lift my hands and sing "How Great is our God" when I am not necessarily praising Him throughout my day?
Anyways, I need to go to school. Just wanted to throw that out there.
I would like to pose the question, "How does one shift the desire for intimacy with God from something you know you should want to something you truly yearn for?"
This is something I am constantly yo-yoing back and forth from. At the beginning of the school year, I can honestly say I was starving for more and more of God. Devouring His word like it was Thanksgiving dinner. On my knees every day asking Him to reveal Himself to me and to draw me closer to Him.
But, as the pattern goes, this has become less and less. The more I feel like I can handle my job, the less I desire God. I know that this is off, and when I pray I ask God to rekindle that desire within me. My biggest struggle is that I feel like I am lying when I worship during this season. Is it wrong to lift my hands and sing "How Great is our God" when I am not necessarily praising Him throughout my day?
Anyways, I need to go to school. Just wanted to throw that out there.
Realist or a cynic?
After watching 2 of the most inspirational teacher movies ever known to man (Freedom Writers, Dead Poets Society) in a 48 hour period, I was left with several emotions relating to my current classroom situation. Anyone that has known me for a significant amount of time knows that my philosophy of education has changed drastically from what it was in college. I went into teaching with a desire to be like Mrs. G and Mr. Keating; to cry out with a "barbaric YAWP", to inspire students who didn't want to learn by caring about their lives...that at the end of the school year, I would be able to feel that I had put my heart and soul into my students and that they would leave my room with a passion for English and the knowledge that I believed in them.
What I have realized lately is that these systems assume that the students want you to care. That they want to be inspired. That they desire the "switch to click." Most of mine do not have this desire. Most of my students want to know what they need to do to get any kind of grade, and do not care about anything else I say. I spend the majority of my class time trying to keep everyone on task. There is no insightful discussion because I have to stop and say "quit talking, give me your phone, no you can't get a drink of water, that word isn't allowed in this classroom...." So I do what I have to do. I teach to the best of my ability and try to show them I care. But instead of them looking at me lovingly with whispers of "O Captain my Captain," they think that I am the biggest B-word they have ever encountered.
So I guess my question to myself is, am I becoming cynical, or just realistic about the public school system? Is it possible to teach like these inspirational figures in regular classes of the public school system? With all of the paperwork, failure intervention plans, meetings, ARDs, modifications, IEPs, etc., how do I truly do my job?
God has called me to this school for this season of my life. I know this. I am confident that He has prepared a good work beforehand for me to walk in here. But it is so difficult to keep my mind constantly on the eternal. I have had the opportunity to share my faith with a student who asked about a month ago. This is HUGE, I know. I am frustrated that all of the crap that comes with the job tends to overshadow awesome moments like that. But I guess my struggle is that the realist/cynic question comes to play in my relationship with God as well.
I am finally coming out of my cynical phase, I think. And it's about time. Being away from Howard Payne has not necessarily changed my viewpoint on a lot of things, but it has allowed me to think about what it means to show grace to people. Sometimes people are narrow minded, and don't care about what's going on in your life, and are judgmental, etc, myself included....but they have just as much crap going on in their lives as you. I am coming to appreciate the resources and people available to me instead of being so critical of the bride of Christ. So I guess if one good thing can come from my fall semester, that would be it!
I don't have answers to any of my questions. I just desire so much to be used by God in a way that pleases Him. And maybe that is happening, I don't know. I guess we shall see.
What I have realized lately is that these systems assume that the students want you to care. That they want to be inspired. That they desire the "switch to click." Most of mine do not have this desire. Most of my students want to know what they need to do to get any kind of grade, and do not care about anything else I say. I spend the majority of my class time trying to keep everyone on task. There is no insightful discussion because I have to stop and say "quit talking, give me your phone, no you can't get a drink of water, that word isn't allowed in this classroom...." So I do what I have to do. I teach to the best of my ability and try to show them I care. But instead of them looking at me lovingly with whispers of "O Captain my Captain," they think that I am the biggest B-word they have ever encountered.
So I guess my question to myself is, am I becoming cynical, or just realistic about the public school system? Is it possible to teach like these inspirational figures in regular classes of the public school system? With all of the paperwork, failure intervention plans, meetings, ARDs, modifications, IEPs, etc., how do I truly do my job?
God has called me to this school for this season of my life. I know this. I am confident that He has prepared a good work beforehand for me to walk in here. But it is so difficult to keep my mind constantly on the eternal. I have had the opportunity to share my faith with a student who asked about a month ago. This is HUGE, I know. I am frustrated that all of the crap that comes with the job tends to overshadow awesome moments like that. But I guess my struggle is that the realist/cynic question comes to play in my relationship with God as well.
I am finally coming out of my cynical phase, I think. And it's about time. Being away from Howard Payne has not necessarily changed my viewpoint on a lot of things, but it has allowed me to think about what it means to show grace to people. Sometimes people are narrow minded, and don't care about what's going on in your life, and are judgmental, etc, myself included....but they have just as much crap going on in their lives as you. I am coming to appreciate the resources and people available to me instead of being so critical of the bride of Christ. So I guess if one good thing can come from my fall semester, that would be it!
I don't have answers to any of my questions. I just desire so much to be used by God in a way that pleases Him. And maybe that is happening, I don't know. I guess we shall see.
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