Prague Castle
Edinburgh
Tintern Abbey
Ireland.
Sigh.
Friday, October 30, 2009
My Europe.
It's official. I have to go back to Europe and really get to experience the culture. I console the dull ache in my heart constantly, saying that I went to London for 2 weeks, most people don't get to do that. But I can't HANDLE IT ANYMORE!!! I need to roll down the green grasses of Irish hills, I need to see Edinburgh Castle, I need to travel Venice by gondola, to shop the streets of Prague, to get a Hungarian massage (NOT...that was for Kalie and Danielle)....I have to experience this in my life! Now, that whole money thing. I have a couple of options. Either a wealthy blog peruser will discover my blog and buy me a trip, or I will find myself a sugar daddy, or it will be around 2 years before I can make this trip happen. So just know that before I am 26, my European dreams will come true. I expect all of you bloggers to hold me accountable.
Prague Castle
Edinburgh
Tintern Abbey
Ireland.
Sigh.
Prague Castle
Edinburgh
Tintern Abbey
Ireland.
Sigh.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Ah, the Dating Game
Being a single woman in 2009 is a scary thing. The safety of being able to meet someone and trust that their intentions are good, they don't have a shady background, and that they really don't plan on trying to mug you is no longer present, causing us to be tempted to run background checks and finger printing on each man we come in contact with. Now, at Howard Payne, I never felt this come into play. Christian school, I know EVERYONE, therefore if you tell me that you are a nice person I am apt to believe you.
But now, it's different. Where do most singles meet other singles? Answer: the club or bar. Which creates a problem for people like me, who 1) don't really hit that scene up and 2) aren't looking for a random hookup. People like me who just want the companionship and are not wanting to just play around are forced to look at our social circles, and then if that's not happening, online dating or something like it. Within this circle seems to be two kinds of people: the ones who are not interested and the ones that are too interested. They either are single and living it up, or are so desperate that if you say one word to them, they "like" you.
Now I know I have cynical tendencies, but really? What's a girl supposed to do? I seriously laugh at what goes on in my head when I am approached by a man. I have become so jaded to the system that I immediately draw conclusions when someone does or doesn't show an interest. Here's the most recent: there are a couple of guys who I have known for a while that are kind of showing some interest. My problem is that I don't trust them at all. I am convinced that they are in desperation mode and that I happened to be standing there when the pheramones hit. Is that fair of me? Am I being cautious or just ridiculous?
A couple of years ago, I read "He's Just Not That Into You" and it is basically my Bible of dating. Unfortunately, as a result I have not dated a guy in 3 years. That's a LONG time. Sometimes I wonder if I am too picky, or if God is protecting me. There has to be a fine line. But I do feel at times as though I give off the "BACK THE F$%^ OFF" vibe. Unintentional of course.
Honestly, I am debating around in my head whether or not to give one guy in particular a chance. I never in my life would have thought of dating this person, but now I am not so sure. I don't know if it's me inventing things in my head, or if it's getting cold and I am in the snuggly state of mind, but I just don't know. Really wish dating was less complicated.
But now, it's different. Where do most singles meet other singles? Answer: the club or bar. Which creates a problem for people like me, who 1) don't really hit that scene up and 2) aren't looking for a random hookup. People like me who just want the companionship and are not wanting to just play around are forced to look at our social circles, and then if that's not happening, online dating or something like it. Within this circle seems to be two kinds of people: the ones who are not interested and the ones that are too interested. They either are single and living it up, or are so desperate that if you say one word to them, they "like" you.
Now I know I have cynical tendencies, but really? What's a girl supposed to do? I seriously laugh at what goes on in my head when I am approached by a man. I have become so jaded to the system that I immediately draw conclusions when someone does or doesn't show an interest. Here's the most recent: there are a couple of guys who I have known for a while that are kind of showing some interest. My problem is that I don't trust them at all. I am convinced that they are in desperation mode and that I happened to be standing there when the pheramones hit. Is that fair of me? Am I being cautious or just ridiculous?
A couple of years ago, I read "He's Just Not That Into You" and it is basically my Bible of dating. Unfortunately, as a result I have not dated a guy in 3 years. That's a LONG time. Sometimes I wonder if I am too picky, or if God is protecting me. There has to be a fine line. But I do feel at times as though I give off the "BACK THE F$%^ OFF" vibe. Unintentional of course.
Honestly, I am debating around in my head whether or not to give one guy in particular a chance. I never in my life would have thought of dating this person, but now I am not so sure. I don't know if it's me inventing things in my head, or if it's getting cold and I am in the snuggly state of mind, but I just don't know. Really wish dating was less complicated.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Getting Into God's Stride
I am very much a gold star Christian. I want to grow closer to God, so I make a spiritual to-do list of everything I need to do to get things right and get closer. That said, I get very frustrated when something doesn't work like clockwork within that plan.
Last night I went to the movies with my friend Tiffany. We did a double feature: Whip It and Couple's Retreat. Both good movies, though Whip It wins for me. Couple's Retreat was hilarious. It centers around a couple who find that their marriage is falling apart, so they and 3 of their friend couples go to an island of Paradise to endure therapy and attempt to mend their relationship. This couple is type A to the max...every issue they discuss comes with a power point presentation, they follow the schedule to a T..and the husband is the worse. Nothing can deviate from THE PLAN, which eventually becomes his downfall.
Anyway, I was having a date this morning with good buddy Oswald Chambers, and today's topic was "Getting Into God's Stride." Chambers says that "the true test of someone's spiritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing extraordinary or exciting happening." Later, he makes the statement, "spiritual truth is learned in the atmosphere that surrounds us, not through intellectual reasoning." It was in reading this that I realized just how much I am like the husband in Couple's Retreat. I want so much to connect with God, so I "figure out" out to do it. I make a plan and try to adhere to it. I map it out completely in my head. Only as I go about the steps, there really isn't much actual connection going on. As a result, my faith really isn't that strong. I question constantly, and am not one to just rest in God's peace.
How does a person rework their brain to not work for gold stars? I am not sure. But I think the best place to start is to realize that me trying to DO things hasn't worked out so far. Instead, I am just going to pray and ask God to help me put aside the reasoner and just live in faith daily. Relationship over reason...easier said than done, but definitely worth it!
Last night I went to the movies with my friend Tiffany. We did a double feature: Whip It and Couple's Retreat. Both good movies, though Whip It wins for me. Couple's Retreat was hilarious. It centers around a couple who find that their marriage is falling apart, so they and 3 of their friend couples go to an island of Paradise to endure therapy and attempt to mend their relationship. This couple is type A to the max...every issue they discuss comes with a power point presentation, they follow the schedule to a T..and the husband is the worse. Nothing can deviate from THE PLAN, which eventually becomes his downfall.
Anyway, I was having a date this morning with good buddy Oswald Chambers, and today's topic was "Getting Into God's Stride." Chambers says that "the true test of someone's spiritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing extraordinary or exciting happening." Later, he makes the statement, "spiritual truth is learned in the atmosphere that surrounds us, not through intellectual reasoning." It was in reading this that I realized just how much I am like the husband in Couple's Retreat. I want so much to connect with God, so I "figure out" out to do it. I make a plan and try to adhere to it. I map it out completely in my head. Only as I go about the steps, there really isn't much actual connection going on. As a result, my faith really isn't that strong. I question constantly, and am not one to just rest in God's peace.
How does a person rework their brain to not work for gold stars? I am not sure. But I think the best place to start is to realize that me trying to DO things hasn't worked out so far. Instead, I am just going to pray and ask God to help me put aside the reasoner and just live in faith daily. Relationship over reason...easier said than done, but definitely worth it!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Money, money, money
I should really be reading during my lunch break, but before I start I just need to process. A lot has happened in my brain in the past 48 hours, and I am trying to discern what is my PANIC button and what is God getting my attention. I just started my new job at 24 Fitness about 3 weeks ago. I like a lot of it, but sales requires a ruthlessness that I do not possess...for instance, I got chewed out the other day for not taking advantage of an old lady who can barely do the treadmill and sell her training sessions. I can't do that...also, as a sales person I am not allowed to be an instructor (company policy). Finally, I found out yesterday that I will be making around....$800 a month. Period.
So, I can't survive on that amount. I was a teacher last year, which means that I have big girl bills, none of which I can just cut bc I have a roommate. Rent, gas, groceries, electric, phone, internet...adds up to way more than that. Not to mention my lack of insurance. I am now back at the same place, wondering what the heck I need to be doing with my life.
I do miss parts of teaching. I miss a lot of my kids. It was suggested to me that I go back to teaching, and try a different age group. Just as a sub, I will make way more money. But, I am scared! What if I do it and it's the same? I am tired of feeling like a flaky quitter. I want to do something I am good at and am passionate about. I am trying not to overanalyze but it's just freaking me out. I just want to honor God with my decision and refute the worry that is quickly infiltrating my heart. I would really appreciate any feedback or opinions.
So, I can't survive on that amount. I was a teacher last year, which means that I have big girl bills, none of which I can just cut bc I have a roommate. Rent, gas, groceries, electric, phone, internet...adds up to way more than that. Not to mention my lack of insurance. I am now back at the same place, wondering what the heck I need to be doing with my life.
I do miss parts of teaching. I miss a lot of my kids. It was suggested to me that I go back to teaching, and try a different age group. Just as a sub, I will make way more money. But, I am scared! What if I do it and it's the same? I am tired of feeling like a flaky quitter. I want to do something I am good at and am passionate about. I am trying not to overanalyze but it's just freaking me out. I just want to honor God with my decision and refute the worry that is quickly infiltrating my heart. I would really appreciate any feedback or opinions.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Choosing our own martyrdom
We started small group back up a couple of weeks ago, and it's absolutely one of my favorite parts of the week. I love the people, both the ones I know and the new people coming, and it's such a sweet time of encouragement to see what God is doing in everyone's lives. As a group, we are going through "Our Utmost For His Highest," a book that I have always thought about doing but never have. And let me tell you...as far as devotionals go, it seems like this one is consistently slapping me in the face with things that I need to hear but might not want to.
Yesterday focused on the "assigning of the call." Chambers talks about how we take what we are good at and what makes us happy, assuming that that is God's call for our lives. If it's uncomfortable, that must not be it. He makes this profound statement: "We cannot choose our own martyrdom...." DANG. How often do we try to do that? We place ourselves in situations where we expect to receive a certain level of flack, but it's what we can handle. I know I do this on mission trips. My mind is ready, so when people reject me, it hurts but I still feel in control.
This really convicted me about my job. I love working at the gym, and I prayed so hard for that job opportunity to open up. Now that I have it, I have realized that I am not a good sales person AT ALL and I think other people are starting to notice it as well. So I immediately start to question whether or not it's where I need to be. Now I am thinking, maybe just maybe God is doing something here, and I need to take advantage of it. The worst thing that can happen is that I will get fired. So I just need to work hard and try to be a light in a dark place.
Today's message goes along with this as well. In talking about spiritual highs, a lot of times we think that a good Christian life means constantly staying on the mountain...always feeling God's presence about you, always feeling that intimacy. But Chambers says that "the true test of our spiritual life is exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain." Those moments of elation are meant to encourage, not to be our normal life. Most of it will be spent in the ordinary, in the valley. The mountain gives us the hope and the strength to draw from in the valley.
I think that I question far too often..any time there is a glitch in THE PLAN. I was made not to sit and bask all the time in how perfect my life is, but to tackle the world's mess every day with the knowledge that God HAS me. That phrase from Sunday has really hit home with me over and over again...He HAS me. He knows about my money. He knows about my family. He knows about my inner struggles. But He's got it taken care of. I can't choose my trials, but I can choose to shine His light through them and allow them to mold and change me.
Yesterday focused on the "assigning of the call." Chambers talks about how we take what we are good at and what makes us happy, assuming that that is God's call for our lives. If it's uncomfortable, that must not be it. He makes this profound statement: "We cannot choose our own martyrdom...." DANG. How often do we try to do that? We place ourselves in situations where we expect to receive a certain level of flack, but it's what we can handle. I know I do this on mission trips. My mind is ready, so when people reject me, it hurts but I still feel in control.
This really convicted me about my job. I love working at the gym, and I prayed so hard for that job opportunity to open up. Now that I have it, I have realized that I am not a good sales person AT ALL and I think other people are starting to notice it as well. So I immediately start to question whether or not it's where I need to be. Now I am thinking, maybe just maybe God is doing something here, and I need to take advantage of it. The worst thing that can happen is that I will get fired. So I just need to work hard and try to be a light in a dark place.
Today's message goes along with this as well. In talking about spiritual highs, a lot of times we think that a good Christian life means constantly staying on the mountain...always feeling God's presence about you, always feeling that intimacy. But Chambers says that "the true test of our spiritual life is exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain." Those moments of elation are meant to encourage, not to be our normal life. Most of it will be spent in the ordinary, in the valley. The mountain gives us the hope and the strength to draw from in the valley.
I think that I question far too often..any time there is a glitch in THE PLAN. I was made not to sit and bask all the time in how perfect my life is, but to tackle the world's mess every day with the knowledge that God HAS me. That phrase from Sunday has really hit home with me over and over again...He HAS me. He knows about my money. He knows about my family. He knows about my inner struggles. But He's got it taken care of. I can't choose my trials, but I can choose to shine His light through them and allow them to mold and change me.
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