Thoughts approaching Easter: God's Purpose

Disclaimer: Basically I have never really cared about what is on my blog, because I'm pretty much an open book. However, due to certain issues discussed pertaining to certain readers, I went back and deleted a couple of posts. I don't think it will affect anyone's life or anything (yes, sarcasm) but I just thought I'd throw that out there to any potential stalkers I have.

Easter is less than a week away. At this time last year, I was moving into a new apartment, applying for graduate school, and attempting to figure out what my life would look like without teaching. I found myself questioning God a lot concerning His purpose for my life: what was my calling? what kind of person do You want me to be? When will I come to a place of contentment and peace with my life?

Now, Easter is upon me, and I find myself moving AGAIN into a new apartment. My life is radically different from one year ago, and I am amazed at God's providence. It's always so hard to understand the "why" in what God calls me to do, but now that I am looking back, it's becoming more and more apparent. Here are some of the "why"s and some of my thoughts pertaining to them:

1) "Lord, why can't I go to Prague? Why are you keeping me here?" For those of you who do not know, I was fully accepted and signed away to begin an AP English program for MKs in Prague, Czech Republic. I would have started in August and be finished up by this June. Around Christmas, I began sensing that this was the wrong decision, but I ignored it until about February. There have been many times since that I have yearned to be there and asked God why. However, the numerous occasions and opportunities presented this year prove that, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am supposed to be here.

2)"What am I going to do with my life???" After discovering the difficulty of getting a teaching job at the college level, added to my failure as a sales representative, I was full of doubt concerning my occupation. Just to make some money, I started subbing at the elementary level and FELL IN LOVE. As I was praying for an opportunity to transition into elementary, a job opened up at my stepmom's school for me to truly test my limits of patience and teach special education. The student I teach has changed me, and has been used by God to refine me into a much better person. I've learned how to teach in ways I never thought I could. I'm so grateful for him!

3) The issue of contentment. It's hard when everyone around you seems to be marrying and having babies, and you are not going on dates EVER. I have often found myself complaining to God and wondering what was wrong with me, and why certain flirtations just didn't go beyond that. Last fall, I finally felt at a place that I didn't care anymore, that God had made me who I am for a purpose, and I could be okay being by myself if it meant that my relationship with God was good. I think that being so much more okay with this has opened up opportunities for the better. Wink wink. lol

4) Random connections and opportunities. I know that I was stressed beyond belief about leading a small group this semester. I don't know how many times I wanted to quit. But leading the group I have has connected me to people I never would have met otherwise. It's crazy to think of how God has orchestrated all of that, knowing exactly what I need in this season of my life and providing it.

I could go on forever, but I am starting to see the tiny threads He is using to weave my life together. Even as I have typed this blog up, I have had an opportunity to share God's grace with someone I never thought would be receptive to it. Life is good. I am blessed.

Prelude to Spring Break

Tonight at small group, we sat outside the Mullins's back porch and started discussing Mr. Chambers as usual. I always love our group discussions, as we have a group of people this semester that really know how to be real and hash out the tough issues, which always makes for a good time. One of my friends was talking about the past year and a half, and how her walk with God has so drastically changed...and it makes me think about my last 18 months, and I'd have to agree with her on that one. I've grown up a lot...and am so thankful for what God has blessed me with.

I tend to always complain when God doesn't meet my needs in the way I think He should. Which is so stupid. But it's what I do. But tonight I was challenged to really count my blessings and see that He has provided me with such peace...I can't even begin to understand it.

-I am a member of a church family that loves me unconditionally. TCAL is my other family. I love it.
-I have such a great support system within my family. Just like iron sharpens iron, my fam makes me want to be a better person.
-I have great friends who pray for me and encourage me, who make me laugh until I start wheezing (super cute) and who accept me for the quirky person that I am.
-And the blessings go on and on...

This past year has held some very tough knocks, so to speak. But I feel different now...I feel as though I've let God take control and that He is winning that battle for me! It's refreshing. It's amazing. And now that I've stopped worrying about everything, I'm able to just enjoy my life and be happy. Which is quite excellent.

If you don't have that kind of support system, I encourage you to find it. Come to my group if you don't know one. Promise you'll leave feeling encouraged.

Theology According to Brandi Carlile

Last night, I overcame my old lady-ness and went to a Brandi Carlile concert (on a school night! Yes you may applaud me). This was my third time to see Brandi, so I knew what kind of performer she was and basically what to expect. However, nothing ever prepares me for how amazing her voice is. Her lyrics are awesome, and it just was all around a fantastic thing.



The whole time I've listened to her, I have never really known anything about her personal life. But tonight, in between one of her songs, Brandi opened up about her religious background while mentioning her reaction to a friend committing suicide in high school. As she talked about how angry she was at 16 with her friend for killing himself, she mentioned that she was brought up Baptist. "I mean, REAL Baptist. I focused more on being Baptist than doing my homework, which is why I...graduated 'early'." It became very obvious that Brandi has derived some of her bitterness from religion that was shoved down her throat as a kid. My first reaction was "Oh, Brandi! You went to church?" followed closely by "Oh. Brandi. You went to church...."

I hate that tradition can get in the way of experiencing joy. I am not trying to hate on the church by any means, because Lord knows I've done enough of that in the past. But seeing what amazing talent this girl has, and the amount of influence she as on the world, it breaks my heart that she will likely forever carry a bitter taste in her mouth towards Jesus just because of how a random group of religious people treated her. Her songs are so powerful and vulnerable...it would be amazing to see her allow the Lord to fill up that hole instead of booze, sex, or the other things we all substitute for the real thing...to experience a friendship with a person who loves God but is open about the fact that they aren't perfect...that they are just as in need of grace as anyone.

It takes experiencing real grace to understand what true freedom in Christ feels like. I hope that I will never be "that Baptist" and will always be a person who enjoys life to the fullest, knowing that I have hope and am truly and deeply loved by a God who is actively involved in my life.

Just some thoughts.

The Adventures of Superwoman and her Inability to be Super

For some odd reason, women think that they must master everything, become a "Jane of all trades," so to speak. I know that men are portrayed as the "fixers," the ones who must help solve everyone's dilemmas, but women are the creatures who add the element of "neurotic and irrational thought" to the mix, altogether becoming a recipe for extreme overwhelmed-ness. As a woman, I must ensure that I am beautiful. I must weigh a certain number, put my makeup on everyday, keep my hair highlighted. The world must see that I am put together. I also must become two people: the Homemaker, skilled in the arts of womanly things such as cooking, cleaning, nurturing both children and men, and scrapbooking...and the Feminist, embracing the hard-fought "We Can Do It!" attitude which requires me to take on extreme sports, the corporate ladder, and an ability to speak my opinions. Women must submit, yet lead. We must take care of our home. And for those women who do not yet have a family of their own, they must continuously make sure that sisters, mothers, brothers, dads are all taken care of, putting time in with each. Don't forget the qualities which make this single woman marketable: education, sense of humor, etc. At what point, I ask, does Superwoman scream out in frustration, fling her cape to the ground and groan, "I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"?

I am only 23, but I see that this "save the world" syndrome we females embrace cannot possibly be Scriptural. It says in the Bible very clearly that we are weak. God has designed us with a breaking point, one that should signal we heroes of the world that we cannot, I repeat, CANNOT, do everything. Why? Because we would no longer have a need for Him.

Here is the truth that I as well as the rest of you girls nodding your heads out there need to wrap our brains around:
YOU CANNOT MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY. YOU WILL LET PEOPLE DOWN. YOU WILL OFFEND PEOPLE....AND IT'S OKAY!
Something must give. The 100 billion hour day required to meet the needs of everyone around you will not be met in the 24 that you have. A sister will be upset that you missed her basketball game in order to write your term paper. A church member will be upset that you have had to stop serving in 5 areas of church ministry. A friend will feel dissed because you cannot talk on the phone for 3 hours...sometimes, not at all. But what is important to realize is that people on this world do not get to decide what you are worth. God does. It is His opinion that matters, and He thinks that you are lovely. He longs for you to be able to enjoy the freedom that comes with a life resting in His perfect peace.

That is not to say that our next move should be a facebook status update proclaiming "I AM WOMAN! HERE ME ROAR! EVERYONE SHUT UP AND GET OFF MY BACK BEFORE I HAVE A MELTDOWN!" Let's simply practice setting boundaries and prioritizing our lives. Do what will provide the most satisfaction and importance in the long run. When those things are done, we can work on the little things, and do what we can. You are not Super Woman. I, for one, know that I can't handle the pressure of what I'd look like in those tights. :)

Win a free copy of Hear No Evil!

I'm giving away a copy of Matthew Paul Turner's book Hear No Evil this week. If you have never heard of this book, check out my previous post that reviews this excellent memoir. If you would like a shot at receiving this book, leave a comment including your name and email on this post. I will draw a name randomly on Saturday and announce the winner! Good luck!

Book Review: Matthew Paul Turner's "Hear No Evil"

Within the postmodern culture of 2010 exists a group of people far removed from societal norm. This subculture customizes attire, movies, literature, toys, etc., seemingly permeating everything except the choices at the mall food court. Who are these people? If you have ever walked into a Mardel or a Lifeway store, you know exactly who I am talking about: Christians. With a sense of ownership not unlike race or gender pride, Christians have made religion marketable. Every brand of candy has been magically transformed into a holy word or Scripture and ironed onto a T-shirt. There is a stigma that, if you are a follower of Jesus Christ, part of the “do and don’t” list attached to the contract requires a person to forsake all that is “secular” and embrace not only God’s grace, but the WOW 2010 CD that comes with it. It’s enough to drive us “recovering Christians” crazy, and enough to send the rest of the world running in the other direction. It is this reason why I find Matthew Paul Turner’s Hear No Evil so delightfully refreshing.

Writing from a Fundamental Baptist background, Turner writes this brilliantly sarcastic memoir concerning his experiences with Christian music. Each chapter bears a new and interesting encounter with a song, a beat, an artist, or an experience that parallels Turner’s evolving faith while giving the reader permission to relate. As I read about his desire to be the Jesus’s Michael Jackson as well as his mother’s hysterical reactions to Amy Grant’s “Baby, Baby,” I found myself shuffling through my bookshelf in attempt to locate the diary I was sure had been stolen. I recall the Celebrate Freedom concert in which I was not allowed to be the Raze CD because one of the girls wore a nose ring, singing from the Heavenly Highway Hymnal every Sunday, receiving awkwardly judgmental stares when, in high school, I played a confessional song that I wrote instead…the list could go on forever. Turner’s humorous overtones and his at times brutal honesty allow the Christian reader (I specify because the average reader does this anyway…for some reason we need permission) to stop pretending to accept societal rules and just see life exactly like it is.

What I loved even more than Turner’s experiences with music was the opportunity to see how these experiences molded his faith. As his encounters with the secular world increased, his ability to take ownership in his relationship with Jesus obviously evolves as well…and not in some checklist-chirpy-Jesus takes my blues away kind of way. It is the encounters with people such as Tina and Kyle that transform this book from a sarcastic commentary to an inspiring work that provides hope to those of us who are determined to love like Jesus. For those of us who have endured a legalistic upbringing, it is often tempting to pour cynicism and judgment onto every Christian who does not meet our standards, refusing to see the good in them. Turner’s confession of his first impressions of Tina as well as his decision to let her perform demonstrate to me a happy medium.Yes, it is okay to laugh at the silliness that sometimes pervades our faith. Yes, it is okay to feel enraged at the injustices that our brothers and sisters inflict on others. However, it is never okay to forsake the call of Christ—and that is to love Him, and love others. Hear No Evil inspires me to do this.

All in all, extremely readable, thoroughly enjoyable, highly recommended. Go to Matthew Paul Turner's blog, Jesus Needs New PR, and find out more about his book as well as his hilarious observations on life and faith.

Grief by Default

How one deals with death differs from person to person. There are books, self-help CDs, television shows, and therapy sessions all geared toward our encounter with tragedy. However, how does a person deal with the grief of a friend who has just lost someone dear to them?
My roommate's mother died last week. After an 8 month battle with stomach cancer, she went to be with Jesus. My friend, who is stoic in all aspects, has composed herself beautifully through the whole process, being a pillar of strength to her family, seeming affected but not tormented. Now that the funeral is over, she is home, and things are starting to become real. Tonight I saw the depths of despair going on in her heart, and for once in a blue moon, I was speechless.
I want to help. I want to hug her and tell her it's okay even though it's not. I want to give her space. I want to speak words of wisdom into her life. I want to be silent. I want to take the pain away from her and see the joy flood back into her heart. But I am clueless on what to do.
I have been blessed that I have not yet lost a parent. I do not know how to help. Should I pray silently and let her alone? Is one expression of "I love you and am here" enough, or is this something that needs to be repeated? I trust God that He will sustain my friend, and that He will lavish His undying love onto her broken spirit. But if I can help that process, I want to. I would appreciate any advice from anyone who has been there or can relate.