I have been reading the Chronicles of Narnia to my student over the past month and a half. We have finished all the way up through Voyage of the Dawn Treader and are halfway through The Silver Chair at the moment. However, my favorite of the series has been and will probably always be The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. While hiding in a wardrobe, the Pevensie children discover a magical land filled with creatures, beauty, a Witch, and a powerful Lion who gives His life to save all of Narnia (um, hello allegory). Love it.
At the moment, I am in hot pursuit of some cabinet drawer or closet space that will take me into a mystical land in which I can find some way to stay sane in the next 3 weeks. All of a sudden, all of the blood, sweat, and tears (literally) I have been putting into my job feel as though they have been in vain. All of the progress that I felt has been made is being undone. Not only does it hurt my heart, but it infuriates me beyond anything I've ever felt.
I don't really get angry. Irritated? Yes. Disappointed? Duh. But never anger. However, today I really thought I could lose it...my whole body went hot and I had to leave the room in order to keep from yelling. Immediately after my episode, I started crying because all that anger had to have somewhere to go.
I'm praying today that God will give me patience that is not of my own doing, a peaceful spirit, and the ability to comparmentalize my life and leave all of this mess at work when I leave today. I know that I need a release of some kind...it will likely be Chalean Extreme later on!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Let's Talk about L-O-V-E
In the past 10 minutes, I have had my iTunes on shuffle, and at least 3 songs have come on. Each one, in its own way, deals with love. Brandon Rhyder understands love by embracing each tiny moment in life in his song "Freeze Frame Time" (GREAT song btw). Celine Dion (don't judge) wonders "Where Does My Heart Beat Now?" because her love has been shattered and is gone...how can she survive? And "Crank That" by Soulja Boy Tell Em....well let's just say that kind of love is made, not felt. I think I'll leave that one alone. Ha ha.
At my church, The Community at Lake Ridge, our pastor talks a lot about love, especially in the series we are doing now about Loving Strong. Last year Paul talked about relationships and how most people go into relationships with the idea that they NEED someone to complete them, to make them happy. Little Jerry Maguire saying "You complete me!" sets us up to think that we cannot survive without some romantic love. As a result, we go into relationships as incomplete people, expecting 1/2 + 1/2 to equal 1 whole person. However, in Paul Mints math, we multiply: 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4...more incompletion. Paul asserts that we must, in fact, be entirely whole and okay in order to truly and healthily "love" someone. And I agree.
In class on Thursday, somehow we got in a discussion about Christian love vs. normal love. After listening to frustratingly inaccurate descriptions of Christian love, I just threw the statement out that Christians believe that love comes from God, and so if I am loving you in Christian love, it's not mine but God's love that that person is receiving. Instead of seeing that as awesome, most people saw that as love with an ulterior motive, which I really don't understand. All that to say, involving God in the equation completely changes how we must view love. The ultimate act of love is God's sacrifice for us; He loves us with a never ending, life-altering love. Most people, even Christians, live the entirety of their lives without ever experiencing that kind of love...we go through the motions and believe in who God is and in His Son, but we never allow ourselves to FEEL loved by him. I know that for some men especially, it seems weird and a little ooky to think about letting one's guard down and just let God lavish His love onto them...but, in my opinion, experiencing this wonderful love is the only way for us to healthy love another person.
I remember when Paul and Shannon were both talking about their relationship, and Shannon said that she had to become completely satisfied in God's love for her in order for her and Paul to experience a healthy relationship. I think that this is what Paul means by being a whole person. Here is what happens when we realize that God's love is the best, that it's never going to compare with anything we have on earth, and that it COMPLETELY satisfies:
-We stop feeling insecure about being good enough (because we don't have to prove that to God)
-We stop actively seeking relationships with anyone and everyone
-We begin to exude this love onto others, making us more joyful people, thus more attractive inside and out
-We nip so many marriage problems in the bud that stem from clinginess, insecurity, jealousy, etc.
When I say that I know this from experience, I don't mean that "Oh, well, I used to be so insecure, but now that I've tapped into this concept, I'm a love machine..." although that would be really fun to say (I used an accent while saying that in my head...just FYI). But I went FOUR years without being in a relationship with a guy. FOUR YEARS! People...that's a long time. And it wasn't because I didn't want to. I would have spurts where I would get so frustrated with being alone that I would just go on random dates with people I knew it probably wouldn't work with, or would try to change myself in order to get certain people to like me. But something about being out of school and on my own changed a lot of that. Somehow, God started to be enough. I began to not care about relationships that much, which made me enjoy every other facet of my life so much more fully. I had a job, a fabulous church, great friends, wonderful family, all of which were providing me with that love that I wanted so badly. I realized that a man would be a wonderful little added bonus to the mix, but was not necessary to providing me with happiness.
Now that I'm finally dating someone, I'm so glad that I had that time to learn a lot of the tough lessons. I can safely say that there has not been a moment where I've been insecure, jealous, worried, neurotic, etc. about what Justin is thinking/saying/doing. I'm so happy I could burst...and yes, he contributes to that in so many ways, but regardless of how much I enjoy being around him and care about him, being with him does not "complete" me. I am loved so deeply by God, that I'm already filled up....which means that any love that he shows me is icing on the cake...wonderful, delicious icing...lol. I can enjoy being with him without sucking the life out of him, and looking for him to make me okay. Because, guess what: that is impossible. No one person can MAKE you be okay. And that is the quickest way to ending a relationship.
For true love to not only exist but flourish, both individuals must be healthy, whole people who understand that it is not their significant other's job to fill them up. It is only then that a person can truly ENJOY another's love as well as give that kind of love to another person. Not saying that I'm the love expert, but I feel like the past few days I have seen SO many people who feel defeated and let down by their relationships, and I felt like throwing some thoughts out there. Any feedback, both positive or negative, is always welcome!
At my church, The Community at Lake Ridge, our pastor talks a lot about love, especially in the series we are doing now about Loving Strong. Last year Paul talked about relationships and how most people go into relationships with the idea that they NEED someone to complete them, to make them happy. Little Jerry Maguire saying "You complete me!" sets us up to think that we cannot survive without some romantic love. As a result, we go into relationships as incomplete people, expecting 1/2 + 1/2 to equal 1 whole person. However, in Paul Mints math, we multiply: 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4...more incompletion. Paul asserts that we must, in fact, be entirely whole and okay in order to truly and healthily "love" someone. And I agree.
In class on Thursday, somehow we got in a discussion about Christian love vs. normal love. After listening to frustratingly inaccurate descriptions of Christian love, I just threw the statement out that Christians believe that love comes from God, and so if I am loving you in Christian love, it's not mine but God's love that that person is receiving. Instead of seeing that as awesome, most people saw that as love with an ulterior motive, which I really don't understand. All that to say, involving God in the equation completely changes how we must view love. The ultimate act of love is God's sacrifice for us; He loves us with a never ending, life-altering love. Most people, even Christians, live the entirety of their lives without ever experiencing that kind of love...we go through the motions and believe in who God is and in His Son, but we never allow ourselves to FEEL loved by him. I know that for some men especially, it seems weird and a little ooky to think about letting one's guard down and just let God lavish His love onto them...but, in my opinion, experiencing this wonderful love is the only way for us to healthy love another person.
I remember when Paul and Shannon were both talking about their relationship, and Shannon said that she had to become completely satisfied in God's love for her in order for her and Paul to experience a healthy relationship. I think that this is what Paul means by being a whole person. Here is what happens when we realize that God's love is the best, that it's never going to compare with anything we have on earth, and that it COMPLETELY satisfies:
-We stop feeling insecure about being good enough (because we don't have to prove that to God)
-We stop actively seeking relationships with anyone and everyone
-We begin to exude this love onto others, making us more joyful people, thus more attractive inside and out
-We nip so many marriage problems in the bud that stem from clinginess, insecurity, jealousy, etc.
When I say that I know this from experience, I don't mean that "Oh, well, I used to be so insecure, but now that I've tapped into this concept, I'm a love machine..." although that would be really fun to say (I used an accent while saying that in my head...just FYI). But I went FOUR years without being in a relationship with a guy. FOUR YEARS! People...that's a long time. And it wasn't because I didn't want to. I would have spurts where I would get so frustrated with being alone that I would just go on random dates with people I knew it probably wouldn't work with, or would try to change myself in order to get certain people to like me. But something about being out of school and on my own changed a lot of that. Somehow, God started to be enough. I began to not care about relationships that much, which made me enjoy every other facet of my life so much more fully. I had a job, a fabulous church, great friends, wonderful family, all of which were providing me with that love that I wanted so badly. I realized that a man would be a wonderful little added bonus to the mix, but was not necessary to providing me with happiness.
Now that I'm finally dating someone, I'm so glad that I had that time to learn a lot of the tough lessons. I can safely say that there has not been a moment where I've been insecure, jealous, worried, neurotic, etc. about what Justin is thinking/saying/doing. I'm so happy I could burst...and yes, he contributes to that in so many ways, but regardless of how much I enjoy being around him and care about him, being with him does not "complete" me. I am loved so deeply by God, that I'm already filled up....which means that any love that he shows me is icing on the cake...wonderful, delicious icing...lol. I can enjoy being with him without sucking the life out of him, and looking for him to make me okay. Because, guess what: that is impossible. No one person can MAKE you be okay. And that is the quickest way to ending a relationship.
For true love to not only exist but flourish, both individuals must be healthy, whole people who understand that it is not their significant other's job to fill them up. It is only then that a person can truly ENJOY another's love as well as give that kind of love to another person. Not saying that I'm the love expert, but I feel like the past few days I have seen SO many people who feel defeated and let down by their relationships, and I felt like throwing some thoughts out there. Any feedback, both positive or negative, is always welcome!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Cancer Can Suck It
I just finished reading my lovely friend Kelley's new blog, "Feel the Ta-Tas." Kelley just found out that she has breast cancer. As I read about all of her experiences leading up to beginning her blog, I got sick to my stomach. Kelley is one of the most godly women I'm blessed to know, and I know that if anyone can kick cancer's butt, it's her (I stole this blog title from one of her possible titles listed on her blog). But still...the word makes me cringe.
Is it just me, or does it seem like more and more people I know PERSONALLY have received this news? No longer is the "C" word a foreign term that does not apply. I am seeing both healing and heartbreak all around me, in my church, in my friends, in my family. It would be so easy to just get disillusioned and say "Screw it. There is so much despair in the world, Lord! Why should I love You if this is how I get repaid?"
Newsflash: Jesus loves me so much that He gave His life in the most horrible way so that I could have life in eternity with Him.
This life is not meant to be easy. It's meant to be lived in community with God, and to share the hope that He gives us with others. I do not believe that God is a smiter, someone who says "Hmmm...Kelley looks like she needs a challenge. Have a tumor." I believe that God loves Kelley so much that He will use this evil in her life to the most good and wonderful purpose possible. I believe that her life has purpose and that God will be glorified through her.
Kelley girl, I am rooting for you. To all my followers, please follow Kelley on this journey and help spread awareness of the preventative measures we can take to fight cancer.
Is it just me, or does it seem like more and more people I know PERSONALLY have received this news? No longer is the "C" word a foreign term that does not apply. I am seeing both healing and heartbreak all around me, in my church, in my friends, in my family. It would be so easy to just get disillusioned and say "Screw it. There is so much despair in the world, Lord! Why should I love You if this is how I get repaid?"
Newsflash: Jesus loves me so much that He gave His life in the most horrible way so that I could have life in eternity with Him.
This life is not meant to be easy. It's meant to be lived in community with God, and to share the hope that He gives us with others. I do not believe that God is a smiter, someone who says "Hmmm...Kelley looks like she needs a challenge. Have a tumor." I believe that God loves Kelley so much that He will use this evil in her life to the most good and wonderful purpose possible. I believe that her life has purpose and that God will be glorified through her.
Kelley girl, I am rooting for you. To all my followers, please follow Kelley on this journey and help spread awareness of the preventative measures we can take to fight cancer.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
90 Days to a Better Me
If you have either followed my blog or been my friend on Facebook/Twitter for any amount of time, you know that last fall I was in a health craze. Eating right, working out 2 times a day...it just made sense. I dropped about 15 pounds. Smiley face.
Today, as I struggle to squeeze myself into those jeans I bought in October, I think to myself, "Seriously?"
The fact is, all of us struggle with our image in some capacity. If we don't think we are fat, we think we are too skinny. Bad skin. Too pale. Big feet. Whatever. These physical insecurities are often coupled with internal issues as well. We don't deal with conflict well. We can't get over our fear of speaking to others. We are disorganized. Bad at keeping up with friends. (Keep listening as I describe myself more and more to you. lol)
I'm not complaining about my life at all. I am very happy. I'm loving my relationship with God, have a good job, great boyfriend, fabulous friends. However, I can't sit back and allow myself to undo everything I've worked so hard for. Plus, it's important to do things today that will help you become the person you want to be in the future. I want to be able to not worry about clothing sizes. I want to be able to have an organized house someday. I want to be a godly wife and mother. Therefore....
I've decided to do the impossible. Starting May 3, I am going to begin a 90 day personal challenge in which I hope to become a healthier me. I am going to work on three things: my physical health, my organizational skills, and my faith. How? Good question.
This is not a challenge that I am going to be recruiting for, sending out emails and getting measurements for, etc. I honestly can't handle that right now. I am already putting things off until May 3, because that week will be my last week of the spring semester of graduate school, better known as hell on earth. But I encourage you to follow my blog posts, as I will be writing about my results, struggles, victories, etc. I encourage you to pick a program with me to do yourself during this 90 day period, or to start reading a devotional or a passage of Scripture a day. I hope that my sarcastic comments and overanalytical tendencies will amuse and encourage you to succeed!
Physical Health: Right now I am in the process of picking a program. Beachbody offers some amazing workouts, and I will either be doing P90x, Insanity, or Chalean Extreme. If I do Insanity, I'm still doing a 90 day challenge, but will spend my last 30 workout days training for some kind of running event. If you want to look at the programs, click "Shop" at my coaching website. I'll also be revamping how I eat and counting my calories.
Organizational Health: There is a program created by FlyLady that helps people like me get organized. I did it for a while, it was awesome, then I stopped.
Spiritual: I plan on reading my Bible each day as well as trying to do more nice things for others. I'll have more specifics later.
I'll record EVERYTHING on my blog. Anything I purchase, any blips in the program, you name it. So, who's with me? It's going to be tough, but I can't keep seeing myself slip through the cracks, and neither can you! Let's help each other reach our goals...we can do this!
Today, as I struggle to squeeze myself into those jeans I bought in October, I think to myself, "Seriously?"
The fact is, all of us struggle with our image in some capacity. If we don't think we are fat, we think we are too skinny. Bad skin. Too pale. Big feet. Whatever. These physical insecurities are often coupled with internal issues as well. We don't deal with conflict well. We can't get over our fear of speaking to others. We are disorganized. Bad at keeping up with friends. (Keep listening as I describe myself more and more to you. lol)
I'm not complaining about my life at all. I am very happy. I'm loving my relationship with God, have a good job, great boyfriend, fabulous friends. However, I can't sit back and allow myself to undo everything I've worked so hard for. Plus, it's important to do things today that will help you become the person you want to be in the future. I want to be able to not worry about clothing sizes. I want to be able to have an organized house someday. I want to be a godly wife and mother. Therefore....
I've decided to do the impossible. Starting May 3, I am going to begin a 90 day personal challenge in which I hope to become a healthier me. I am going to work on three things: my physical health, my organizational skills, and my faith. How? Good question.
This is not a challenge that I am going to be recruiting for, sending out emails and getting measurements for, etc. I honestly can't handle that right now. I am already putting things off until May 3, because that week will be my last week of the spring semester of graduate school, better known as hell on earth. But I encourage you to follow my blog posts, as I will be writing about my results, struggles, victories, etc. I encourage you to pick a program with me to do yourself during this 90 day period, or to start reading a devotional or a passage of Scripture a day. I hope that my sarcastic comments and overanalytical tendencies will amuse and encourage you to succeed!
Physical Health: Right now I am in the process of picking a program. Beachbody offers some amazing workouts, and I will either be doing P90x, Insanity, or Chalean Extreme. If I do Insanity, I'm still doing a 90 day challenge, but will spend my last 30 workout days training for some kind of running event. If you want to look at the programs, click "Shop" at my coaching website. I'll also be revamping how I eat and counting my calories.
Organizational Health: There is a program created by FlyLady that helps people like me get organized. I did it for a while, it was awesome, then I stopped.
Spiritual: I plan on reading my Bible each day as well as trying to do more nice things for others. I'll have more specifics later.
I'll record EVERYTHING on my blog. Anything I purchase, any blips in the program, you name it. So, who's with me? It's going to be tough, but I can't keep seeing myself slip through the cracks, and neither can you! Let's help each other reach our goals...we can do this!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thoughts approaching Easter: God's Purpose
Disclaimer: Basically I have never really cared about what is on my blog, because I'm pretty much an open book. However, due to certain issues discussed pertaining to certain readers, I went back and deleted a couple of posts. I don't think it will affect anyone's life or anything (yes, sarcasm) but I just thought I'd throw that out there to any potential stalkers I have.
Easter is less than a week away. At this time last year, I was moving into a new apartment, applying for graduate school, and attempting to figure out what my life would look like without teaching. I found myself questioning God a lot concerning His purpose for my life: what was my calling? what kind of person do You want me to be? When will I come to a place of contentment and peace with my life?
Now, Easter is upon me, and I find myself moving AGAIN into a new apartment. My life is radically different from one year ago, and I am amazed at God's providence. It's always so hard to understand the "why" in what God calls me to do, but now that I am looking back, it's becoming more and more apparent. Here are some of the "why"s and some of my thoughts pertaining to them:
1) "Lord, why can't I go to Prague? Why are you keeping me here?" For those of you who do not know, I was fully accepted and signed away to begin an AP English program for MKs in Prague, Czech Republic. I would have started in August and be finished up by this June. Around Christmas, I began sensing that this was the wrong decision, but I ignored it until about February. There have been many times since that I have yearned to be there and asked God why. However, the numerous occasions and opportunities presented this year prove that, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am supposed to be here.
2)"What am I going to do with my life???" After discovering the difficulty of getting a teaching job at the college level, added to my failure as a sales representative, I was full of doubt concerning my occupation. Just to make some money, I started subbing at the elementary level and FELL IN LOVE. As I was praying for an opportunity to transition into elementary, a job opened up at my stepmom's school for me to truly test my limits of patience and teach special education. The student I teach has changed me, and has been used by God to refine me into a much better person. I've learned how to teach in ways I never thought I could. I'm so grateful for him!
3) The issue of contentment. It's hard when everyone around you seems to be marrying and having babies, and you are not going on dates EVER. I have often found myself complaining to God and wondering what was wrong with me, and why certain flirtations just didn't go beyond that. Last fall, I finally felt at a place that I didn't care anymore, that God had made me who I am for a purpose, and I could be okay being by myself if it meant that my relationship with God was good. I think that being so much more okay with this has opened up opportunities for the better. Wink wink. lol
4) Random connections and opportunities. I know that I was stressed beyond belief about leading a small group this semester. I don't know how many times I wanted to quit. But leading the group I have has connected me to people I never would have met otherwise. It's crazy to think of how God has orchestrated all of that, knowing exactly what I need in this season of my life and providing it.
I could go on forever, but I am starting to see the tiny threads He is using to weave my life together. Even as I have typed this blog up, I have had an opportunity to share God's grace with someone I never thought would be receptive to it. Life is good. I am blessed.
Easter is less than a week away. At this time last year, I was moving into a new apartment, applying for graduate school, and attempting to figure out what my life would look like without teaching. I found myself questioning God a lot concerning His purpose for my life: what was my calling? what kind of person do You want me to be? When will I come to a place of contentment and peace with my life?
Now, Easter is upon me, and I find myself moving AGAIN into a new apartment. My life is radically different from one year ago, and I am amazed at God's providence. It's always so hard to understand the "why" in what God calls me to do, but now that I am looking back, it's becoming more and more apparent. Here are some of the "why"s and some of my thoughts pertaining to them:
1) "Lord, why can't I go to Prague? Why are you keeping me here?" For those of you who do not know, I was fully accepted and signed away to begin an AP English program for MKs in Prague, Czech Republic. I would have started in August and be finished up by this June. Around Christmas, I began sensing that this was the wrong decision, but I ignored it until about February. There have been many times since that I have yearned to be there and asked God why. However, the numerous occasions and opportunities presented this year prove that, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am supposed to be here.
2)"What am I going to do with my life???" After discovering the difficulty of getting a teaching job at the college level, added to my failure as a sales representative, I was full of doubt concerning my occupation. Just to make some money, I started subbing at the elementary level and FELL IN LOVE. As I was praying for an opportunity to transition into elementary, a job opened up at my stepmom's school for me to truly test my limits of patience and teach special education. The student I teach has changed me, and has been used by God to refine me into a much better person. I've learned how to teach in ways I never thought I could. I'm so grateful for him!
3) The issue of contentment. It's hard when everyone around you seems to be marrying and having babies, and you are not going on dates EVER. I have often found myself complaining to God and wondering what was wrong with me, and why certain flirtations just didn't go beyond that. Last fall, I finally felt at a place that I didn't care anymore, that God had made me who I am for a purpose, and I could be okay being by myself if it meant that my relationship with God was good. I think that being so much more okay with this has opened up opportunities for the better. Wink wink. lol
4) Random connections and opportunities. I know that I was stressed beyond belief about leading a small group this semester. I don't know how many times I wanted to quit. But leading the group I have has connected me to people I never would have met otherwise. It's crazy to think of how God has orchestrated all of that, knowing exactly what I need in this season of my life and providing it.
I could go on forever, but I am starting to see the tiny threads He is using to weave my life together. Even as I have typed this blog up, I have had an opportunity to share God's grace with someone I never thought would be receptive to it. Life is good. I am blessed.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Prelude to Spring Break
Tonight at small group, we sat outside the Mullins's back porch and started discussing Mr. Chambers as usual. I always love our group discussions, as we have a group of people this semester that really know how to be real and hash out the tough issues, which always makes for a good time. One of my friends was talking about the past year and a half, and how her walk with God has so drastically changed...and it makes me think about my last 18 months, and I'd have to agree with her on that one. I've grown up a lot...and am so thankful for what God has blessed me with.
I tend to always complain when God doesn't meet my needs in the way I think He should. Which is so stupid. But it's what I do. But tonight I was challenged to really count my blessings and see that He has provided me with such peace...I can't even begin to understand it.
-I am a member of a church family that loves me unconditionally. TCAL is my other family. I love it.
-I have such a great support system within my family. Just like iron sharpens iron, my fam makes me want to be a better person.
-I have great friends who pray for me and encourage me, who make me laugh until I start wheezing (super cute) and who accept me for the quirky person that I am.
-And the blessings go on and on...
This past year has held some very tough knocks, so to speak. But I feel different now...I feel as though I've let God take control and that He is winning that battle for me! It's refreshing. It's amazing. And now that I've stopped worrying about everything, I'm able to just enjoy my life and be happy. Which is quite excellent.
If you don't have that kind of support system, I encourage you to find it. Come to my group if you don't know one. Promise you'll leave feeling encouraged.
I tend to always complain when God doesn't meet my needs in the way I think He should. Which is so stupid. But it's what I do. But tonight I was challenged to really count my blessings and see that He has provided me with such peace...I can't even begin to understand it.
-I am a member of a church family that loves me unconditionally. TCAL is my other family. I love it.
-I have such a great support system within my family. Just like iron sharpens iron, my fam makes me want to be a better person.
-I have great friends who pray for me and encourage me, who make me laugh until I start wheezing (super cute) and who accept me for the quirky person that I am.
-And the blessings go on and on...
This past year has held some very tough knocks, so to speak. But I feel different now...I feel as though I've let God take control and that He is winning that battle for me! It's refreshing. It's amazing. And now that I've stopped worrying about everything, I'm able to just enjoy my life and be happy. Which is quite excellent.
If you don't have that kind of support system, I encourage you to find it. Come to my group if you don't know one. Promise you'll leave feeling encouraged.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Theology According to Brandi Carlile
Last night, I overcame my old lady-ness and went to a Brandi Carlile concert (on a school night! Yes you may applaud me). This was my third time to see Brandi, so I knew what kind of performer she was and basically what to expect. However, nothing ever prepares me for how amazing her voice is. Her lyrics are awesome, and it just was all around a fantastic thing.
The whole time I've listened to her, I have never really known anything about her personal life. But tonight, in between one of her songs, Brandi opened up about her religious background while mentioning her reaction to a friend committing suicide in high school. As she talked about how angry she was at 16 with her friend for killing himself, she mentioned that she was brought up Baptist. "I mean, REAL Baptist. I focused more on being Baptist than doing my homework, which is why I...graduated 'early'." It became very obvious that Brandi has derived some of her bitterness from religion that was shoved down her throat as a kid. My first reaction was "Oh, Brandi! You went to church?" followed closely by "Oh. Brandi. You went to church...."
I hate that tradition can get in the way of experiencing joy. I am not trying to hate on the church by any means, because Lord knows I've done enough of that in the past. But seeing what amazing talent this girl has, and the amount of influence she as on the world, it breaks my heart that she will likely forever carry a bitter taste in her mouth towards Jesus just because of how a random group of religious people treated her. Her songs are so powerful and vulnerable...it would be amazing to see her allow the Lord to fill up that hole instead of booze, sex, or the other things we all substitute for the real thing...to experience a friendship with a person who loves God but is open about the fact that they aren't perfect...that they are just as in need of grace as anyone.
It takes experiencing real grace to understand what true freedom in Christ feels like. I hope that I will never be "that Baptist" and will always be a person who enjoys life to the fullest, knowing that I have hope and am truly and deeply loved by a God who is actively involved in my life.
Just some thoughts.
The whole time I've listened to her, I have never really known anything about her personal life. But tonight, in between one of her songs, Brandi opened up about her religious background while mentioning her reaction to a friend committing suicide in high school. As she talked about how angry she was at 16 with her friend for killing himself, she mentioned that she was brought up Baptist. "I mean, REAL Baptist. I focused more on being Baptist than doing my homework, which is why I...graduated 'early'." It became very obvious that Brandi has derived some of her bitterness from religion that was shoved down her throat as a kid. My first reaction was "Oh, Brandi! You went to church?" followed closely by "Oh. Brandi. You went to church...."
I hate that tradition can get in the way of experiencing joy. I am not trying to hate on the church by any means, because Lord knows I've done enough of that in the past. But seeing what amazing talent this girl has, and the amount of influence she as on the world, it breaks my heart that she will likely forever carry a bitter taste in her mouth towards Jesus just because of how a random group of religious people treated her. Her songs are so powerful and vulnerable...it would be amazing to see her allow the Lord to fill up that hole instead of booze, sex, or the other things we all substitute for the real thing...to experience a friendship with a person who loves God but is open about the fact that they aren't perfect...that they are just as in need of grace as anyone.
It takes experiencing real grace to understand what true freedom in Christ feels like. I hope that I will never be "that Baptist" and will always be a person who enjoys life to the fullest, knowing that I have hope and am truly and deeply loved by a God who is actively involved in my life.
Just some thoughts.
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